Jose Canseco wants to show you his bat speed

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Jose Canseco has been more or less begging for another chance in baseball via Twitter all week, posting tweets such as “I can DH for any major league team and lead the league in home runs, just give me the chance” and “I will show everyone that steroids are completely overrated once I get the chance to play again.”

And those are the least-crazy ones.

At some point he started specifically mentioning new Mets general manager Sandy Alderson–who was the GM in Oakland back when Canseco starred for the A’s–and said he planned to send him a video to convince him a tryout was a good idea.

I will marry Mila Kunis, divorce her, marry Marisa Miller, and then cheat on her with Diora Baird before Alderson involves himself in Canseco’s life again, but that doesn’t mean we can’t look at the video anyway:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_pEUovum28]

Canseco appears to be in good shape and is making solid contact against a pitching machine he claims is throwing 94 miles per hour, but here’s the thing: Even if he wasn’t “blackballed” from baseball for all the steroids stuff, a) he’s 46 years old, and b) he’s seemingly insane.

Barry Bonds couldn’t get another gig at age 43 coming off a 1.045 OPS season. Canseco is 46, last played in the majors in 2001, and was last seen hitting .170 in the independent Golden Baseball League five years ago.

Just to be safe, however, I’m going to make a video of myself for Mila, Marisa, and Diora to look at over the weekend. I may have to turn the pitching machine down to like 92 mph, though.

Giancarlo Stanton says he’d hit “80-plus” homers if he knew what pitch was coming

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New York Yankees star Giancarlo Stanton is the latest player to speak out about the Houston Astros. Here’s what he said at Yankees camp this morning:

“If knew what was coming in ’17, I probably would have hit 80-plus home runs.”

Stanton also said that the Astros should be stripped of their 2017 World Series title:

“They did their investigation and it was clear-cut that they cheated that year, which means it should be taken away,” Stanton said. “If you cheat in another way during the season, you can’t even be in the playoffs. It’s pretty much the same difference.”

There Stanton is referring to the rules about being popped for PEDs, which prevents you from appearing in the postseason even if your suspension is up by the time it begins.

More Stanton:

“I don’t think the penalties were harsh enough player-wise. At the end of the day it gives more incentive to do that if you’re not going to punish the players . . . We know that they really don’t care to give an apology or explain their side, and it showed by their response. You know the repercussions of doing something like that. You’re really only sorry because you got caught. You have all this whirlwind of which you’ve got to deal with, not the actual action.”

For the record, Stanton hit 59 homers in 2017. He’s something of a guess hitter — he waits for his pitch more than he adjusts on the fly — so, yeah, I could see sign stealing helping him out quite a bit. That would’ve been scary.

Well, it would’ve been scary when he was healthy. He was limited to 18 games last year, but he says he’s healthy now.