Coco Crisp is ‘looking for a live-in personal assistant (female)’

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Someone claiming to be A’s outfielder Coco Crisp has posted an ad on Craigslist “looking for a live-in personal assistant (female) that can help simplify my life.”

Here’s the full text of the ad:

Hi,

My name is Covelli Crisp (Coco Crisp), i am a professional baseball player. Looking for a live-in personal assistant (Female) that can help simplify my life.

Appointment scheduling
Bill payment scheduling
Maintaining and updating contact lists
Dinner parties
Away home care
Provisioning and house setup
Travel planning
Dinner reservations
Personal shopping
Tickets to entertainment events
Manage invitations
Culinary ability
Light house work, etc…

Salary of $40,000/YR with room and board. please contact me at Covellicococrisp@aol.com
**Include resume and picture**

I especially like the “include resume and picture” part at the end, because everyone knows the key to a good personal assistant is what they look like. Also, it’s nice to see that someone under the age of 60 is still using an AOL e-mail address.

The harrowing tale of the end of Bobby Jenks’ baseball career

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Bobby Jenks was a key part of the 2005 world champion White Sox. By 2010, his effectiveness as a closer fell off and he signed with the Boston Red Sox for the 2011 season. He’d pitch in only 19 games that year, suffer a back injury and would never pitch again.

In the year or so after that, we heard that Jenks was arrested for driving under the influence. And then we heard that his back surgery was botched, and his baseball career was over. Then, after years of silence, we learned last spring that Jenks won $5.1 million in a medical malpractice suit against the doctor who performed his surgery.

We did not, however, know all the details until Bobby Jenks wrote about them at the Players’ Tribune this morning. This is must-click link stuff, folks.

Jenks talks about how a seemingly innocuous pitch to Jorge Posada in an early-season Red Sox-Yankees game in 2011 was the last pitch he’d ever throw. He talks about the presumably simple surgery that would supposedly get him back on the field. And then the scary complications in which he almost died due to leaking spinal fluid resulting from the botched surgery. Then, after using painkillers to deal with back pain, Jenks’ fell into drug addiction, all of which culminated in him finding himself half-naked and crazed in a car that didn’t belong to him with police and rescue workers surrounding him.

Jenks got clean but his wife left him. And then he mounted a multi-year lawsuit during which he learned that the reason his back surgery was screwed up was because the surgeon was performing two surgeries at one time, which is an apparently common practice called “concurrent surgery,” that sounds like it totally should NOT be a common practice.

Yet Jenks has survived. He’s been sober for over seven years and he seems to be in a good place. But boy did he have to go through something harrowing to get there. Definitely take the time to read it.