Coco Crisp is ‘looking for a live-in personal assistant (female)’

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Someone claiming to be A’s outfielder Coco Crisp has posted an ad on Craigslist “looking for a live-in personal assistant (female) that can help simplify my life.”

Here’s the full text of the ad:

Hi,

My name is Covelli Crisp (Coco Crisp), i am a professional baseball player. Looking for a live-in personal assistant (Female) that can help simplify my life.

Appointment scheduling
Bill payment scheduling
Maintaining and updating contact lists
Dinner parties
Away home care
Provisioning and house setup
Travel planning
Dinner reservations
Personal shopping
Tickets to entertainment events
Manage invitations
Culinary ability
Light house work, etc…

Salary of $40,000/YR with room and board. please contact me at Covellicococrisp@aol.com
**Include resume and picture**

I especially like the “include resume and picture” part at the end, because everyone knows the key to a good personal assistant is what they look like. Also, it’s nice to see that someone under the age of 60 is still using an AOL e-mail address.

Report: Red Sox sign Kenley Jansen to 2-year, $32 million deal

Dale Zanine-USA TODAY Sports
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SAN DIEGO — Veteran closer Kenley Jansen and the Boston Red Sox have agreed to a two-year, $32 million deal, a person familiar with the deal told The Associated Press.

The person spoke to the AP on condition of anonymity because the agreement was pending a physical.

The 35-year-old Jansen went 5-2 with a 3.38 ERA in 64 innings for Atlanta this year. The three-time All-Star led the National League with 41 saves, helping the Braves win the NL East title.

Boston is looking to bounce back after it finished last in the AL East this season with a 78-84 record. The Red Sox went 92-70 in 2021 and lost to Houston in the AL Championship Series.

Jansen spent his first 12 seasons with the Los Angeles Dodgers, winning a World Series title in 2020. The right-hander signed a $16 million, one-year contract with Atlanta in March.

Jansen has a 2.46 career ERA. He was an All-Star in 2016-2018.

His 391 career saves are the second-most among active players (behind Craig Kimbrel‘s 394) and eighth all time.