Woke up this morning the best way that a man can
— Orioles’ outfielder Adam Jones on Twitter a few minutes ago.
As a man who has been married for more than 15 years, I’m assuming that “the best way a man can” wake up is by being allowed to sleep until 8AM — which is late these days, pal — and by being allowed to drink a cup of coffee and read the paper without having anyone ask him to fix or clean anything up or, for God’s sake, be asked if “you’re going to spend all damn day in front of the computer again.”
On the off chance that he meant something, um, different, I have to ask: Ms. Andrea Bradley — Adam Jones’ mother: are you still out there reading the blogs for comments about your son? If so, do you approve of him making such lurid suggestions? I KNOW you raised him better than that . . .