Woke up this morning the best way that a man can
— Orioles’ outfielder Adam Jones on Twitter a few minutes ago.
As a man who has been married for more than 15 years, I’m assuming that “the best way a man can” wake up is by being allowed to sleep until 8AM — which is late these days, pal — and by being allowed to drink a cup of coffee and read the paper without having anyone ask him to fix or clean anything up or, for God’s sake, be asked if “you’re going to spend all damn day in front of the computer again.”
On the off chance that he meant something, um, different, I have to ask: Ms. Andrea Bradley — Adam Jones’ mother: are you still out there reading the blogs for comments about your son? If so, do you approve of him making such lurid suggestions? I KNOW you raised him better than that . . .
Bryce Harper hadn’t even addressed his new hometown fans before his Phillies jersey started selling like hotcakes. Since then, he’s said all the expected things. Talking about joining the Phillies, he said, “From day one, it felt right … I always talk about family and being a family, being one unit, and I get that from this team. Every guy has your back and vice versa. I’m very excited to go into battle with these guys.”
Harper is continuing to pander hard to Phillies fans. Behold his latest Instagram post:
Has anyone ever really longed to see the Liberty Bell?
Harper also famously recreated that Chase Utley scene from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia with actor Rob McElhenney on Twitter:
In Harper’s next post, he will talk about alternating bottles of You-eng-ling beers with glasses of “wooder.” He’ll add that every so often he will treat himself to a steak sandwich with cheese on it, then go home to watch all of the movies in the Rocky series.