Great moments in bathroom sex at U.S. Cellular Field

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Rhett and Scarlett.jpgReviewing the box score of Monday’s White Sox-Indians game reveals that only Paul Konerko and Alexis Rios were credited with home runs. According to John Kass of the Tribune they missed one in the men’s room off the third base line upper deck concourse:

“So I kicked the door, just to get a reaction. I just wanted to make
sure nobody was dying in there. That’s when I heard a woman’s voice
yell, ‘HEY, STOP!’ Something was going on and I had interrupted.” Moments
later, the stall door opened, and a tall, thin, blond man exited. The
tall man held his arms up in triumph.

“His arms were straight up,
like in victory,” Nemeth said. “Everybody was hooting and hollering and
giving high-fives.” Then a second person left the stall, someone
Nemeth described as apparently female, “scurrying” out of the restroom
with a shirt or coat over her head.

There are walks of shame, there are pathetic walks of shame and then there are walks of shame out of the men’s room at U.S. Cellular Field in the middle of a Sox-Tribe game. We’re talking about one refined gentleman and one classy lassie here. And I love the “apparently female” line.  Maybe the tall blond guy got more than he bargained for?

Anyway, the man quoted there was the fellow who discovered the highly romantic liaison in question. He was with his young son at the time. I’m a dad with a couple of impressionable kids, so I can relate to his discomfort about it all. Not that I can’t handle it, but because you just know when you have kids that 500 questions are going to follow about “what were that lady and that man doing and why was a lady in the boy’s baffroom and can Batman beat up Spider-Man” and all of that. The only real easy answer is that, no, Spider-Man wouldn’t stand a chance.

All that said, the Kass column in which all of this appears is a bit over-the-top in terms of “think of the children” hand-wringing. He prods the mayor to do something about this for cryin’ out loud. Like he has the time to police the U.S. Cellular Field bathrooms when there’s so much graft to attend to.

Tasteless and moronic behavior happens. We all wish it didn’t, but it does. We’ll all find a way to soldier on. Somehow.

Bogaerts reportedly heading to the Padres for 11 years, $280 million

xander bogaerts
Paul Rutherford/USA TODAY Sports
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SAN DIEGO — The San Diego Padres and Xander Bogaerts agreed to a blockbuster 11-year, $280 million contract, adding the All-Star slugger to an already deep lineup.

A person familiar with the negotiations confirmed the contract to The Associated Press on condition of anonymity because it was pending a physical.

The Padres already had Fernando Tatis Jr. at shortstop, but he missed the entire season because of injuries and an 80-game suspension for testing positive for a performance-enhancing drug.

San Diego also met with Aaron Judge and Trea Turner before the big stars opted for different teams. The Padres reached the NL Championship Series this year before losing to the Phillies.

“From our standpoint, you want to explore and make sure we’re looking at every possible opportunity to get better,” general manager A.J. Preller said before the Bogaerts deal surfaced. “We’ve got a real desire to win and do it for a long time.”

The 30-year-old Bogaerts was one of the headliners in a stellar group of free-agent shortstops that also included Turner, Carlos Correa and Dansby Swanson.

Bogaerts, who’s from Aruba, terminated his $120 million, six-year contract with Boston after the season. The four-time All-Star forfeited salaries of $20 million for each of the next three years after hitting .307 with 15 homers and 73 RBIs in 150 games.

Bogaerts is a .292 hitter with 156 homers and 683 RBIs in 10 big league seasons – all with Boston. He helped the Red Sox win the World Series in 2013 and 2018.

Bogaerts becomes the latest veteran hitter to depart Boston after the Red Sox traded Mookie Betts to the Los Angeles Dodgers in February 2020. Rafael Devers has one more year of arbitration eligibility before he can hit the market.

Bogaerts had his best big league season in 2019, batting .309 with a career-best 33 homers and 117 RBIs. He had 23 homers and 103 RBIs in 2018.

In 44 postseason games, Bogaerts is a .231 hitter with five homers and 16 RBIs.