Carlos Zambrano is supposed to be a cow. Or a bell. Or a lawnmower. Or something.

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Rick Telander of the Chicago Sun-Times has been saving his metaphors up all winter and was really excited to get them all out at once this morning:

Being the Opening Day pitcher is supposed to mean something.You’re the tone setter, the bell cow, the big swinging medallion
chosen by the manager as the symbol of the team. You mow ’em down, your buds rack ’em up. But Carlos Zambrano — who now has started more consecutive Opening
Days (six) than any other Cub — is not a bell cow. He’s a rambling,
tin-can eating goat who has lost his way.

A goat who has lost his way. Not like those homing-goats that all the other teams have.