In Missouri, opium not as bad as steroids

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Let this be a lesson to you children: If you take steroids, you will never have a highway named after you.

In the wake of Mark McGwire’s admission that he took performance enhancing drugs, the Missouri Senate has decided that the stretch of I-70 in St. Louis – which runs near a stadium named after a beer company, by the way – should no longer be known as Mark McGwire Highway.

The bill, which would also name sections of other highways after noted (and presumably non-doping) Missourians, was passed by unanimous vote on Monday. It will now move to the House to waste yet more taxpayer dollars.

The hard part of this whole endeavor, of course, will be deciding whose names to put on all these highways.

Republican Sen. Kurt Schaefer of Columbia asked if those getting the honors were alive or dead. Schaefer says it might be wise to name roads only for the deceased, because they can’t do something worth changing the name over one day.

So there is a ray of hope for McGwire should he turn his life around in his remaining days on Earth. It’s also a practical plan, as dead people rarely go out of their way to ruin reputations, including their own.

The Senate proposes that the McGwire Highway should instead be named after Mark Twain, the legendary and beloved writer who was … ummm … also known to … err … frequent opium dens in San Francisco.

*Awkward silence*

Uh oh. Crap. Now what? Don’t tell anyone about that.

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Report: Angels to sign Justin Bour

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Jeff Passan of Yahoo Sports reports that the Angels have signed 1B/DH Justin Bour to a contract, pending a physical. The Phillies non-tendered Bour last month.

Bour, 30, spent the 2018 season with the Marlins and Phillies, hitting an aggregate .227/.341/.404 with 20 home runs and 59 RBI in 501 plate appearances.

Bour will likely share first base with Albert Pujols, who is coming off of knee and elbow surgeries. Bour could handle right-handers while the 38-year-old Pujols faces lefties.