And That Happened: Monday's scores and highlights

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Angels 11, Rangers 0: The Angels clinch the West, and in a fit of wrongheadedness so comically tragic that it strains credulity, they soak the jersey of a victim of a fatal drunk driving accident with beer and champagne in celebration. Here’s hoping that someone in Angels’ management was passing out cab vouchers last night.

Tigers vs. Twins, POSTPONED: I usually put rainouts last, but this rainout was more significant than most of the actual games that were played last night. Not sure whether a doubleheader today gives either team a big advantage. The Twins have a better bullpen, but the Tigers are going with two starters — Porcello and Verlander — who will make their own bullpen less important by comparison. All I know is that if I was in Detroit tomorrow I’d probably be skipping work. Heck, the wine I ordered when I was out in California last week is getting delivered today, so I may skip work anyway.

Pirates 11, Dodgers 1: John Russell lifted Zach Duke with one out to go for a complete game. Russell’s explanation: that he wanted to give Duke a standing ovation as he left the mound. Sorry John, this ain’t basketball and I ain’t buyin’ it. My guess: Russell is in a fantasy league in which CGs are a stat and the guy he’s battling for first place owns Duke. It’ll be a scandal if people can ever prove it. Like the Pete Rose thing, but boring. As for the rest of the game: Andy LaRoche homered twice, doubled twice and singled, driving in six runs. Some genius once told me that homers were rally killers. They’re also cycle killers, so your failure was two-fold, Mr. LaRoche. So, L.A.? Is this how you’re gonna bring it against Philly or Atlanta or whoever you get next week? Good luck with that.

Braves 4, Marlins 0: I don’t know if the Rockies are going to cooperate and lose two or three games before Sunday, but if they do, ain’t nobody gonna want to face the Braves in the playoffs. Based on some stuff I read yesterday, there are still some people who don’t quite appreciate how awesome Jair Jurrjens is (“middle of the rotation starter?“). I wouldn’t trade the dude — who shut the Marlins out over seven — if the money for Fielder was dead even.

Astros 8, Phillies 2: Well, I suppose it’s possible that the Braves AND Rockies could make the playoffs. Such a collapse would be damn nigh historic as far as collapses go, but as I sit here this morning anything seems possible. I thought the 1987 Blue Jays had the division wrapped up too.

Rays 7, Orioles 6: If the Rays were to move from St. Pete after building a new stadium in Tampa or Branden or Riverview or something, could they change their name to the East Bay Rays? Because that would be cool.

Blue Jays 11, Red Sox 5: This one was called in the seventh inning because of rain and the mercy rule and the fact that three-fourths of the Red Sox roster is having spasms of some kind this week. Michael Bowden gave up seven runs on seven hits and a walk in a spot start for Beckett. In this he was like the substitute teacher who would just put on the “Free To Be You and Me” video, read her Better Homes and Gardens magazine and let the class run amok the entire period. Not that we all didn’t stop when Rosey Grier sang “It’s alright to cry,” some of us because we were touched, others because we couldn’t believe our frickin’ eyes. Man, being born in the 70s sucked.

White Sox 6, Indians 1: It blows my mind that, despite how nightmarish a season it has been for the Royals, they could once again finish out of the cellar and ahead of a team everyone thought would go to the playoffs when camp broke. But here are the Indians, losing again and letting this race go down to the wire.

Yankees 8, Royals 2: Not that Kansas City is going to go down without a fight. Luke Hochevar, pitched a three hit shutout a couple of starts ago, got shelled for eight runs on 12 hits in six innings. Atta boy, Lukey, always keep ’em guessing! This performance, by the way, came against a Yankee lineup containing such luminaries as Brett Gardner, Eric Hinkse, Shelley Duncan, Juan Miranda, and Frank Cervelli.

Nationals 2, Mets 1: Helen Keller once said “The most pathetic person in the world is someone who has sight, but has no vision.” She went on to say that the second most pathetic person in the world is any Mets fan who hasn’t jumped ship before now.

Astros clinch postseason berth with 11-3 win over Angels

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No surprise here: The Astros are headed back to the postseason to defend their title following a landslide 11-3 win over the Angels on Friday. This figures to be their third playoff run since 2015, though they have yet to wrap up the AL West with a division title.

First baseman Yuli Gurriel led the charge on Friday, smashing a grand slam in the first inning and tacking on a two-run homer in the second and RBI single in the fifth to help the Astros to a seven-run lead. The Angels eventually returned fire, first with Mike Trout‘s 418-foot homer in the sixth, then with an RBI hit from Francisco Arcia in the seventh, but they couldn’t close the gap in time to overtake the Astros.

On the mound, right-hander Gerrit Cole clinched his 15th win of the year after holding the Angels to seven innings of three-run, 12-strikeout ball. His sixth strikeout of the night — delivered on an 83.1-MPH knuckle curveball to Kaleb Cowart — also marked the 1,000th strikeout of his career to date. He was backed by flawless performances by lefty reliever Tony Sipp and rookie right-hander Dean Deetz, both of whom turned in scoreless innings as the offense barreled toward an 11-3 finish with Jake Marisnick‘s sac bunt and George Springer‘s three-run shot in the eighth.

Despite having qualified for the playoffs, the Astros still carry a magic number of 6 as they look to clinch a third straight division title. They’re currently up against the Athletics, who entered Friday’s contest against the Twins just four games back of first place in the AL West.