Prince Fielder

Bryce Harper is naked in ESPN’s “Body Issue”

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On the one hand, the “Body Issue” is a transparent attempt by ESPN to sell magazines via the objectification of the human form in a time of the year when only one major team sport is active and people are generally not buying a ton of magazines. On the other hand, unlike “Sports Illustrated,” ESPN objectifies men as well as women, at least making things fair. Oh, and they also, on occasion, put people like Prince Fielder in the thing so as to not totally conform to b.s. unrealistic body standards.

So, it’s not great, but it’s better than what came before. And that’s something, right?

Something else that is something: Bryce Harper’s physique. Which, mercy:

I mean, I GUESS he’s in pretty decent shape. I mean, for a ballplayer. At least if you’re into things like “health” and “low body fat” and “muscular definition” and all of that nonsense.

Not that Harper agrees he’s perfect. From the accompanying article:

I wish my abs were a little bit better. God gave me a great body, but I think my abs could be better than they are.

Yeah. Um, I was gonna say that too. Really, dude, work a bit more. Have some friggin’ pride in your appearance, will ya?