Wanna run a team’s Twitter account?

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MLBAM has put up a post announcing job openings for the position of “In-game social media coordinator” for the Angels, White Sox, Reds, Rockies, Yankees, Blue Jays and Nationals.

There’s a full job description there, but the upshot is that you’d run your team’s Twitter account during games. If you’ve spent any time on Twitter, you know how that works: be sort of cute while promoting the team with commentary, photos, video clips and all of that. Be enthusiastic and try to go viral but not bad viral. And no, we can’t tell you what is good viral and what is bad viral beforehand. We’ll only know once the fallout happens.

The best part of the job listing itself is the list of suggested topics MLBAM gives you in order for you to do some sample tweets of the kind of stuff you’d post during games. They ask you to compose a tweet for each situation, pretending it’s occurring in real time, and include it in your cover letter. Here they are, with my stab at responses. I’ll pretend they’re for the Braves, even if that job isn’t open:

Your team’s star hitter wins the batting title

“Batting average is so dumb. OBP is way better. Good for Freeman on that .330, but he’s no Joey Votto! #GoBarves”

First day of Spring Training games

“And thus begins a month of meaningless, mailed-in baseball. None of this matters. #EntropyIsReal”

Team wins ninth straight game

“*Inserts audio clip of The Beatles’ “Revolution 9”* #BagismShagismDragismMadism”

Last hour of #FinalVote. Your team’s star hitter is neck and neck with a division rival.

“Did you know that Bryce Harper is a socialist? God, that’s a disgrace. Pick Dansby in the #FinalVote.”

20% off all Club.com shop items

“Do not buy any Braves merchandise with the tomahawk on it. It’s a grotesque appropriation of native symbols. #GoBarves”

Ace starter goes down with elbow injury in 8th inning

R.A. Dickey HAS NO ELBOW LIGAMENT. This must be a false flag operation. #JetFuelCantMeltSteelBeams”

Your team’s best outfielder does it again, making an incredible diving play.

“Inciarte!!!! The Diamonbacks are trash. Nice trade LOL”

Your manager gets ejected after arguing the result of a replay review.

“Man, Snitker’s sure got the red ass today.”

 

Where do I go to sign my employment contract?

Giants place Hunter Pence on 10-day disabled list with right thumb sprain

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The Giants placed outfielder Hunter Pence on the 10-day disabled list with a right thumb sprain, per an official announcement on Friday. Pence initially sustained the injury during the club’s home opener on April 3, when he dove to intercept a line drive double from Robinson Cano and jammed his thumb. Weeks of playing through the pain hasn’t worked, so he’ll take a breather while the Giants give outfielder Mac Williamson a chance to start in left after getting called up from Triple-A Fresno.

Pence, 35, wouldn’t pin his recent struggles on his injury, but it’s clear that he’s having difficulty finding his footing this year. He slashed a meager .172/.197/.190 through 61 plate appearances in 2018, collecting just one extra-base hit and two walks during the Giants’ dismal 7-11 stretch. While it’s far too early in the season to make any final judgments, it doesn’t look like the veteran outfielder will be replicating the .275+ average, 4.0+ fWAR totals of years past (at least, not anytime soon).

Williamson, meanwhile, has gotten off to a hot start in Triple-A. Prior to his call-up this weekend, the 27-year-old batted an incredible .487/.600/1.026 with six home runs and a 1.626 OPS through his first 50 PA. A hot Triple-A bat doesn’t always survive the transition to the majors, but the Giants will use all the help they can get — especially as they take on the AL West-leading Angels this weekend.