Wanna run a team’s Twitter account?

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MLBAM has put up a post announcing job openings for the position of “In-game social media coordinator” for the Angels, White Sox, Reds, Rockies, Yankees, Blue Jays and Nationals.

There’s a full job description there, but the upshot is that you’d run your team’s Twitter account during games. If you’ve spent any time on Twitter, you know how that works: be sort of cute while promoting the team with commentary, photos, video clips and all of that. Be enthusiastic and try to go viral but not bad viral. And no, we can’t tell you what is good viral and what is bad viral beforehand. We’ll only know once the fallout happens.

The best part of the job listing itself is the list of suggested topics MLBAM gives you in order for you to do some sample tweets of the kind of stuff you’d post during games. They ask you to compose a tweet for each situation, pretending it’s occurring in real time, and include it in your cover letter. Here they are, with my stab at responses. I’ll pretend they’re for the Braves, even if that job isn’t open:

Your team’s star hitter wins the batting title

“Batting average is so dumb. OBP is way better. Good for Freeman on that .330, but he’s no Joey Votto! #GoBarves”

First day of Spring Training games

“And thus begins a month of meaningless, mailed-in baseball. None of this matters. #EntropyIsReal”

Team wins ninth straight game

“*Inserts audio clip of The Beatles’ “Revolution 9”* #BagismShagismDragismMadism”

Last hour of #FinalVote. Your team’s star hitter is neck and neck with a division rival.

“Did you know that Bryce Harper is a socialist? God, that’s a disgrace. Pick Dansby in the #FinalVote.”

20% off all Club.com shop items

“Do not buy any Braves merchandise with the tomahawk on it. It’s a grotesque appropriation of native symbols. #GoBarves”

Ace starter goes down with elbow injury in 8th inning

R.A. Dickey HAS NO ELBOW LIGAMENT. This must be a false flag operation. #JetFuelCantMeltSteelBeams”

Your team’s best outfielder does it again, making an incredible diving play.

“Inciarte!!!! The Diamonbacks are trash. Nice trade LOL”

Your manager gets ejected after arguing the result of a replay review.

“Man, Snitker’s sure got the red ass today.”

 

Where do I go to sign my employment contract?

Red Sox to extend protective netting at Fenway Park in 2018

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The Red Sox are the latest team to extend the protective netting at their ballpark this winter. According to a statement by club president Sam Kennedy, the exact dimensions of the netting have yet to be determined, but it will likely stretch “all the way to Field Box 79, down the left field line and then all the way down to almost Canvas Alley in the Field Box 9 area.”

Fenway Park received additional protective netting prior to the 2016 season, when the netting behind home plate was lengthened to the home and visitor dugouts. Per Kennedy’s statement, the current expansion should cover everything but the outfield corners, making it nearly impossible for a line drive foul to reach fans in the lower boxes.

After a toddler sustained serious injuries from a 105-MPH foul ball to the face at Yankee Stadium last September, over half of all MLB teams decided to take more extreme preventative measures in advance of the 2018 season. The Brewers, Cardinals, Braves, Astros, Royals, Pirates, Rangers, Padres, Nationals, Mariners, Phillies, Mets, Reds, Blue Jays, Giants, Yankees, Twins and Indians are among the organizations to address the issue over the last several years, while others have yet to take significant action.