The time Dee Gordon threw 944 pitches and lost a game by the score of 164-16


Also, Adam Dunn ht 81 home runs. One of them did anyway. There were 25 of them. There were also 25 Bartolo Colons, Dee Gordons, and Koji Ueharas. They all played against each other in a four team league.

Confused? You won’t be, after reading Patrick Dubuque’s description of his Clone Baseball League:

Thus I began this mad, stupid experiment. The premise is simple: using everyone’s favorite realistic baseball simulation, Out of the Park 2015, I created teams of baseball players by cloning a single player until they filled the active roster, and set them against each other in 162 games of gory combat. The results exceeded my wildest expectations.

The four teams in the CBL (Clone Baseball League) are:

• The Adam Dunns
• The Dee Gordons
• The Bartolo Colons
• The Koji Ueharas

The results are even crazier than the premise. Let’s just say that Dee Gordon — one of them; I forget which — has a serious grievance with his team and its medical staff.

I love this stuff. Jon Bois of SB Nation did this with football last year in his “Breaking Madden” series. I used to do rudimentary versions of this with weird baseball simulators from the 1980s and 1990s (I was a big Lance Hafner fan). It’s fun to play God. And often hilarious.

Daniel Murphy will miss the start of the season

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Daniel Murphy said today that he will not be ready for Opening Day and will start the year on the disabled list.

Murphy had microfracture knee surgery last October. While he has been able to take batting practice and field ground balls, his lateral movement is still limited. In his absence — which is not expected to last past mid-April or so — Howie Kendrick will get the bulk of the playing time at second base.

Murphy hit .322/.384/.543, smacked 23 homers and knocked in 93 RBI in 2017.