A guy rushed the field in Arizona to take a selfie with Gerardo Parra. And to flash some sweet moves.

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Rushing the field is dumb, but it’s way dumber when you don’t have a plan. Say what you will about this jackwagon in Phoenix for Friday night’s Cubs-Diamondbacks game, but at least he had a plan.

As the screen grab here shows (via Breitbart), it appears that his entire goal was to take selfies as he ran around the Chase Field outfield. Looks like he got a good one with Gerardo Parra:

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As the video shows, he also had some pretty sweet moves:

Kudos to the security people for not hitting him with a taser or choke-slamming him or anything. Those sorts of moves have become the style lately, even though it’s basically never warranted for drunk jerks running out onto baseball diamonds.

Someone stole the bat from the Ken Griffey, Jr. statue at Safeco Field

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The Mariners unveiled a statue of Hall of Fame outfielder Ken Griffey, Jr. earlier this year at Safeco Field, featuring the slugger in his famous follow-through seen after each of his 630 career home runs. Chris Daniels of KING 5 News in Seattle reported on Tuesday evening that someone had stolen the bat from the statue.

Thankfully, the Seattle Police Department announced that the bat has been recovered and a suspect has been arrested. They expect to provide more details later. Daniels reports the Mariners have confirmed the news.

My fellow Americans, our long national nightmare is over.