Must-Click Link: Pastor Dean, minister to professional umpires

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He eats 48-ounce steaks by himself. He weighs more than three bills, but will put on a Speedo for a laugh. He has a “problem” with porn. He once put a live donkey in someone’s kitchen, where it crapped everywhere, and even the “victim” had a laugh about it. Sounds like a live wire, eh? Did I mention that he’s a Christian minister?

He’s Dean Esskew — Pastor Dean — and he’s the leader of the Calling for Christ ministry which ministers to one specific group of people: umpires. Major league and minor league umpires. That’s it. He travels the country visiting them on the job and off and holds weekly teleconference services with them from wherever he and they may be.

ESPN’s John Mooallem has his story, and it’s a great read:

Every Friday he runs a prayer call for major league umpires, every Saturday for minor leaguers. They’re like regular church services, except the congregation dials in from locker rooms and hotels across the country. If Esskew notices a particular ump has missed a call-in or two, he’ll hop a flight and pay the man a visit. He has appeared unexpectedly a few rows behind the dugout of the Triple-A Isotopes in Albuquerque. He has materialized at the graveside service for an umpire’s father in the middle of Kansas. In the offseason, he runs a Calling for Christ retreat in Texas (annual attendance: about 60 umpires) and performs a lot of umpire weddings. He has baptized 66 umpires so far, calling them safe in the only way that matters.

It’s something I’ve never heard about. But now that I think about it, we don’t hear most things about umpires and their personal lives. It’s a stressful job, obviously, and that’s before you even figure in the fact that they’re traveling twice as much as ballplayers do and have no fan base to provide some psychic support. Granted, when your job is to make judgment calls it’s always going to be hard and prone to criticism, but that expectation probably doesn’t do much to make you feel better when you’re away from your family and are subject to constant criticism.

Enter Pastor Dean. What a fascinating read. Take some time for it today if you can.

Who is the fastest sprinter in baseball?

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We’re not talking the 100 meters here. We’re talking practical baseball sprinting. That’s defined by the StatCast folks at MLB as “feet per second in a player’s fastest one-second window,” while sprinting for the purposes of, you know, winning a baseball game.

StatCast ranked all players who have at least 10 “max effort” runs this year. I won’t give away who is at the top of this list, but given that baseball’s speedsters tend to get a lot of press you will not be at all surprised. As for the bottom of the list, well, the Angels don’t pay Albert Pujols to run even when he’s not suffering from late career chronic foot problems, so they’ll probably let that one go. I will say, however, that I am amused that the third slowest dude in baseball is named “Jett,” however.

Lately people have noticed some odd things about home run distances on StatCast, suggesting that maybe their metrics are wacko. And, of course, their means of gauging this stuff is proprietary and opaque, so we have no way of knowing if their numbers are off the reservation or not. As such, take all of the StatCast stuff you see with a grain of salt.

That said, even if the feet-per-second stuff is wrong here, knowing that Smith is faster than Jones by a factor of X is still interesting.

Here are the final All-Star voting results before the close of balloting

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All-Star voting ends this Thursday night, just before midnight eastern time. The All-Star teams — at least how they’ll appear before the dozen or two substitutions we’ll get before the game — will be unveiled on Sunday at 7pm on ESPN, just before Sunday Night Baseball.

Which means you still have time to alter these standings, which now stand as the final update before things are set in, well, not stone, but at least some Play-Doh which has been left out of the can too long and is kinda hard to mess with.

NATIONAL LEAGUE

AMERICAN LEAGUE