YANKEES FAN 1: …Look! Ah! Oh! Oh!
YANKEES FAN 2: He has given us a sign!
YANKEES FAN 1: He has given us… His chair!
YANKEES FAN 2: The chair is the sign. Let us follow His example!
YANKEES FAN 1: Let us, like Him, hold up one chair and let another be stacked against the wall, for this is His sign, that all who follow Him shall do likewise.
YANKEES FAN 2: No, no, no. The chair is a sign that we must gather chairs together in abundance!
YANKEES FAN 3: …the chair?! No, follow the Gourd!
YANKEES FANS 1 and 2: Oh, get off!
Whatever the case, the Cubs gotta pay for those Wrigley Field renovations somehow:
As is offseason tradition, the first of player-shape reports are trickling in. These usually use some variation of the phrase “best shape of [my/his] life.” This one, though, avoids that at least.
According to ESPN’s Jesse Rogers, Cubs outfielder Kyle Schwarber has lost 17-20 pounds so far this offseason. Schwarber said that he’s “already big and strong,” so “might as well try to get more explosive, faster.”
Though Schwarber knocked out 30 home runs this past season, his numbers were otherwise pedestrian. He hit .211/.315/.467 with 59 RBI and 67 runs scored in 486 plate appearances.
There has been some speculation that the Cubs will try to trade Schwarber to an American League team where he can be a DH. He’s a subpar defender, so making him a full-time DH makes a lot of sense. So far, though, the only team that has been linked to Schwarber this offseason has been the Red Sox.