Rick Reilly

Of course you want to hate-read Rick Reilly’s creepy open letter to Derek Jeter’s unborn children

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There was an episode of “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” where Mac tried to give Chase Utley a fan letter he wrote. It read like so:

Dear Chase,

I feel like I can call you chase because you and me are so alike. I’d like to meet you one day, it would be great to have a catch. I know I can’t throw as fast as you but I think you’d be impressed with my speed. I love your hair, you run fast. Did you have a good relationship with your father? Me neither. These are all things we can talk about and more. I know you have no been getting my letters because I know you would write back if you did. I hope you write back this time, and we can become good friends. I am sure our relationship would be a real homerun!

Of course, “It’s Always Sunny” is a comedy show and the the main joke here was that this letter, from a grown man, was hilariously juvenile and maudlin and spoke of a man-crush from a man-child that was wholly uncomfortable.

Rick Reilly is not a man-child character in a comedy show, but he too wrote a letter to a baseball crush. This one purporting to be a letter to Derek Jeter’s future children, in which he told them just how amazing and wonderful and classy their dad was. It starts like so:

To Derek Jeter’s kids (whenever you come along):

You were born too late to know your father the way we did, so I want to take just a minute to let you know what he meant to us.

First of all, if Derek Jeter ever does have children and Rick Reilly tries to tell them about their dad, I would hope and expect the Jeter children’s security team would beat him within an inch of his life.

Second of all, the “know your father the way we did” thing is pretty insane given that there is likely no superstar baseball player in history that “we” know less about than Derek Jeter. Indeed, for all of his accomplishments and exploits, maintaining his privacy to the extent he has in this media-saturated, tell-all day and age may be the most amazing. Maybe some reporter knows a thing or two about Jeter that hasn’t come out yet due to some sourcing issues or an agreement to hold it off the record, but I know for DAMN sure that Rick Reilly doesn’t have any inside scoop on the guy. Let alone scoop that his kids wouldn’t know ten times better than he did.

But really, that sort of captures Reilly and Reilly-style journalism in a nutshell, doesn’t it? The conceit of the Boomer-era columnist that he and he alone knows about the athletes he covers and that we must go to him to get some sort of special insight. Reilly may have a sweet perch from which to write, but for all his years of writing, he has neither cracked the Jeter code nor told us anything uniquely insightful about Jeter’s public persona and especially not his playing ability. He premises this whole thing on his status as a reporter yet reports nothing.

He does manage to creep Jeter’s future hypothetical kids out, though. I mean, would you want to hear this about your dad from some stranger?

Your father was everything men wanted to be. The guy with the $15 million Trump Tower penthouse. The dude dating Miss Universe. The man with all of the talent and none of the jerk. He was everything women wanted, too. The elegant athlete who loved books, paid for everything, and had a limo waiting for them when it was time to go.

“Thanks, you strange old man. I always wanted to know about my dad’s sex life as a bachelor. All kids want to hear that about their dads, really.”

I can’t imagine how this weird, self-parody of an open letter came to be. I can’t imagine what ESPN’s editors who, I presume, are under strict instructions to simply rubber stamp everything Reilly writes and put it on the web, think about this sort of thing. I can’t imagine what reporters who have applied to ESPN and been denied or worked for ESPN and have been let go think about this clearly insane person pulling down seven figures to write this kind of thing.

Aroldis Chapman will rejoin the Yankees on Monday

New York Yankees relief pitcher Aroldis Chapman goes into his windup against the Toronto Blue Jays during the fifth inning of a spring training baseball game Thursday, March 10, 2016, in Tampa, Fla. (AP Photo/Chris O'Meara)
AP Photo/Chris O'Meara
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Yankees reliever Aroldis Chapman was suspended 30 games by Major League Baseball under its domestic violence policy for an offseason incident in which he allegedly pushed and choked his girlfriend, then discharged a firearm at least eight times in his garage. Monday marks game number 30, and Chapman is set to rejoin the club then, MLB.com’s Bryan Hoch reports. Manager Joe Girardi plans to insert Chapman directly into the closer’s role if a save situation arises against the Royals on Monday.

Chapman will make two appearances in the Gulf Coast League this week to continue warming up. He had been throwing in extended spring training games at the Yankees’ complex in Tampa.

The Yankees acquired Chapman from the Reds at the end of December, sending Caleb Cotham, Rookie Davis, Eric Jagielo, and Tony Renda to Cincinnati in return. While the back end of the bullpen hasn’t been an issue for the Yankees, seemingly everything else has for the 8-15, last place club.

Hunter Harvey to undergo sports hernia surgery

Baltimore Orioles pitchers Chris Tillman, left, and Harvey Hunter (62) watch Brian Matusz throw a bullpen session during a spring training baseball workout in Sarasota, Fla., Monday, Feb. 23, 2015.  (AP Photo/Gene J. Puskar)
AP Photo/Gene J. Puskar
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Orioles pitching prospect Hunter Harvey will undergo sports hernia surgery this week, Eduardo A. Encina of the Baltimore Sun reports. He’ll be out of action for the next four to six weeks as a result.

Harvey suffered a groin strain during a minor league spring training game last month and reaggravated it during an extended spring training game last Thursday. A specialist found a tear which requires surgery to mend.

The 21-year-old Harvey remains the prospect in the Orioles’ minor league system (according to MLB Pipeline) despite not having advanced past the Single-A level. He last pitched in a regular season game on July 25, 2014. The right-hander has suffered a litany of injuries in the time since, including an elbow issue and a fractured leg.

The Potomac Nationals will play a triple-header on Wednesday

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On Monday, the Potomac Nationals were slated to play the Lynchburg Hillcats in a match-up of two Single-A teams. The game, however, was suspended in the fifth inning. The goal was to play a double-header on Tuesday — a nine-inning game followed by a seven-inning game.

Tuesday’s double-header, however, was postponed due to wet grounds. So the Nationals and Hillcats will play a triple-header on Wednesday starting at 3:00 PM EDT. The suspended game will be resumed in the fifth inning and then the two sides will play two seven-inning games, per the Potomac Nationals.

That, well, is something. Minor leaguers don’t get paid enough to play 19 innings (at least) in one day.

Brian Cashman on Yankees’ slow start: “Some leashes might be shorter than others.”

New York Yankees general manager Brian Cashman watches live batting practice during a spring training baseball workout Monday, Feb. 22, 2016, in Tampa, Fla. (AP Photo/Chris O'Meara)
AP Photo/Chris O'Meara
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Yankees GM Brian Cashman isn’t exactly thrilled with the way his team has played over the first 23 games. The Yankees were swept by the division rival Red Sox over the weekend, running their losing streak to five games and sending their record down to 8-15, good for last place in the AL East.

As David Waldstein reports for the New York Times, Cashman says he may be forced to make some changes soon. “There’s only so long you can allow it to go on before tinkering. But it just needs to stop,” Cashman said.

Cashman continued:

“I’ve done this job a long time and I put this roster together,” Cashman said. “I feel it’s significantly better than it has performed, and when it doesn’t perform up to expectations over the course of time, I have a history of making changes. I would rather not go that route, but when you are forced to do so, you are forced to do so.”

Who have been the biggest contributors to the Yankees’ demise?

Cashman said, “Some leashes might be shorter than others.”

Headley likely has the shortest leash. Utilityman Ronald Torreyes has hit well, boasting an .875 in a limited sample of 24 plate appearances, but he could cut into Headley’s playing time at third base if Headley can’t figure things out. Outfield prospect Aaron Judge could get called up. Outfielder Aaron Hicks, who has taken only 28 PA thus far, could also be in line for more playing time.