And That Happened: Tuesday’s scores and highlights

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Marlins 1, Braves 0: I talked about how awesome 1-0 pitching duels are just last week. I wish I had saved that ode for this one. Braves pitchers struck out 13 hitters, didn’t walk any and allowed only one run and lost. That’s pretty mind-blowing. Not as mind-blowing as Jose Fernandez was, of course. He struck out 14 and allowed only three hits in eight shutout innings. And the game was so fast. Two hours and eight minutes. I mean, you could play this game almost five full times in the same amount of time it takes to play my new favorite song (be sure to watch through to the end):

Angels 7, Nationals 2: There went 499 and 500 for Albert Pujols. He has eight on the year and has an OPS of .956. Nowadays everybody wanna talk like they got something to say, but nothing comes out when they move their lips — just a bunch of gibberish –and mother****ers act like they forgot about El Hombre.

Rays 7, Twins 3:  David DeJesus drove in three and David Price was effective, but let’s talk about the weird here instead: Price was hit by a comebacker right in the, urm, um, midsection in the top of the fourth. He was fine, though. This is why you wear a cup, gentlemen. Also, Great Moments in Instant Replay: Yunel Escobar took ball four, the umps were confused about the count, checked instant replay and still got the darn count wrong. Escobar ended up striking out on the 4-2 pitch.

Royals 8, Indians 2Moustakas’ three-run homer, Eric Hosmer had four hits and James Shields was on point. This has been the blueprint for the past couple of year, but only Shields has read the plans and adhered to them consistently before last night.

Reds 4, Pirates 1: Johnny Cueto with his second straight complete game. The only blemish here was a homer given up to Andrew McCutchen in the ninth.

Blue Jays 9, Orioles 3Brett LawrieMelky Cabrera and Edwin Encarnacion each hit homers. It was Encarnacion’s first of the year. He watched it go out and rounded the bases with his right-arm-cocked chicken wing thing. No one got in his face and barked at him afterward. They just played baseball. Imagine.

Tigers 8, White Sox 6: Miguel Cabrera finally woke up, going 3 for 5 with a homer and an RBI double. Of course, a lot of Tigers hit against Sox’ spot starter Charlie Leesman, who filled in for Chris Sale.

Cardinals 3, Mets 0: Adam Wainwright shut the Mets out into the seventh inning but had to leave when he hyperextended his knee fielding a ball. He says he’s OK. No one asked if the Mets think they’ll be OK after being shut out, but we presume so.

Yankees 9, Red Sox 3: Masahiro Tanaka continues to be relatively unimpressed with major league hitters. I’m sure he wouldn’t say that, but no one has really challenged him yet (7.1 IP, 7 H, 2 ER, 7K 0 BB). The Yankees, meanwhile, scored eight runs — only three earned — off Jon Lester. Jacoby Ellsbury’s return to Fenway in enemy colors started off well for him: he tripled to lead off the game and then robbed Grady Sizemore of a hit with a nice catch. He later hit a two-run double.

Editor’s Note: Hardball Talk‘s partner FanDuel is hosting a one-day $40,000 Fantasy Baseball league for Wednesday night’s MLB games. It’s $25 to join and first prize is $6,000. Starts at 7:05pm ET on WednesdayHere’s the FanDuel link.

Cubs 9, Diamondbacks 2: Mike Olt — MIKE OLT! — hit a three-run homer. The Cubs have won three of four. Arizona has dropped four straight.

Padres 2, Brewers 1: A Chase Headley homer in the 12th ended up winning it, but a big assist goes to the Padres pen who tossed six shutout innings. The Brewers’ four-game winning streak is snapped.

Rangers 5, Athletics 4: Former Athletic Mike Choice hit a two-run single in the ninth to help the Rangers rally. After the game he said “you always want to do something good against the ex.” I have no idea what he’s talking about. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go shave and put on my best clothes because my ex-wife has a meeting near my house this morning and I need to look my best on the off-chance that she stops by to say hi to the kids before they go to school.

Rockies 2, Giants 1: Always fun to see a pitching duel in Denver. Franklin Morales allowed one run on five hits over seven. Madison Bumgarner allowed two runs in eight. All the runs came on solo homers and the game was over in 2:41.

Astros 5, Mariners 2: Remember when people were all like “hmm, maybe the Mariners are better now” a couple of weeks ago? Haha, that was a riot. Collin McHugh was called up from Oklahoma City to take Scott Feldman’s start and didn’t walk a batter while pitching into the seventh. The crowd at Safeco Field numbered 10,466 and was the fifth-lowest in park history. Six of the seven lowest have come when the Astros were in town. Some draw, eh? The Mariners have dropped eight in a row and ten of eleven, however, so that crowd ain’t all on Houston.

Phillies 3, Dodgers 2: The Dodgers were shut down by the Phillies’ starter for the second straight night — this time A.J. Burnett — but really lost this when Carl Crawford and Hanley Ramirez got their wires crossed on a short Carlos Ruiz fly to left in the 10th. The next man up, Domonic Brown, doubled him in.

Braves sign David Hernandez

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Bill Whitehead of the Atlanta Journal Constitution reports that the Braves have signed reliever David Hernandez to a minor league contract on Sunday. He’ll report to spring training as a non-roster invitee.

Hernandez, who turns 32 years old in May, signed a minor league contract with the Giants in February. He requested and was granted his release on Friday when he learned he wasn’t making the team’s 25-man roster to open the season.

Hernandez pitched for the Phillies last year. He compiled a 3.84 ERA with an 80/32 K/BB ratio in 72 2/3 innings.

Dave Roberts: It “doesn’t make sense” for Scott Kazmir to start year in Dodgers’ rotation

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Scott Kazmir won’t begin the regular season in the Dodgers’ starting rotation. Manager Dave Roberts said after Kazmir’s Cactus League outing on Sunday that it “doesn’t make sense” for the ailing Kazmir to break camp in the rotation, Andy McCullough of the Los Angeles Times reports. The lefty will instead rehab some more and join the rotation at a later time.

Kazmir has been battling a hip issue which has caused his mechanics to suffer. He was clocked in the low 80’s 10 days ago and wasn’t much better on Sunday afternoon.

Last season with the Dodgers, Kazmir posted a 4.56 ERA with a 134/52 K/BB ratio in 136 1/3 innings, his worst numbers since returning to the majors in 2013.