Joe Torre issues a statement on the Michael Pineda pine tar thing — we translate it for you.

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Let’s play “Translate Joe Torre.” Here’s what his mouth said:

“The umpires did not observe an application of a foreign substance during the game and the issue was not raised by the Red Sox. Given those circumstances, there are no plans to issue a suspension, but we intend to talk to the Yankees regarding what occurred.”

Here’s what he actually meant to convey:

“Look, we all saw what was going on because the TV cameras are awesome these days. The Red Sox saw it too. And I imagine the umpires did too, but I am going to say they didn’t ‘observe’ it because those are totally two different things and who wants to open up that friggin’ can of worms? Anyway, everyone uses sunscreen and pine tar and crap, and we are going to tell the Yankees that, lest they ruin it for EVERYONE, they had best make sure their pitchers are a little less bleedin’ obvious about it.”

Tigers sign Francisco Liriano

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Robert Murray of FanRag Sports reports that the Tigers have signed Francisco Liriano to a one-year, $4 million contract.

Liriano split time between the Blue Jays and Astros last year, putting up a 5.66 ERA in 38 games, 18 of which were starts, striking out 85 and walking 53 in 97 innings. He pitched two-thirds on an inning in the World Series, but overall it was a pretty substandard season. But hey, those innings ain’t gonna eat themselves, and Liriano will eat some in Detroit.

Not to speak ill of him: he is almost certainly the second best Francisco Li- player in the division.