There is a shortage of $25, 18-inch corn dogs in Arizona

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This is who we are now. As a people, this is who we are:

Sales of the Arizona Diamondbacks’ $25 corn dog have been so brisk that the team’s concessionaires can’t wait for a week-long road trip that starts Friday so that they can prep enough to be ready for the team’s April 11-13 homestand against the Los Angeles Dodgers . . . The 18-inch corn dog, called the D-Bat, is stuffed with cheddar cheese, jalapenos and bacon and is served with a side of fries.

The team says that they sold 300 of them on Opening Night but that they only sold 100 during Game 2 because they ran out. They literally can’t make them fast enough for the ravenous appetites of America’s baseball fans.

This is what it’s like to eat one:

Here’s the narrative of that video.

I think it’s time for us all to take a long hard look in the mirror, America. We, as a people, need to take a long hard look in the mirror.

 

Kyle Schwarber has lost 17-20 pounds

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As is offseason tradition, the first of player-shape reports are trickling in. These usually use some variation of the phrase “best shape of [my/his] life.” This one, though, avoids that at least.

According to ESPN’s Jesse Rogers, Cubs outfielder Kyle Schwarber has lost 17-20 pounds so far this offseason. Schwarber said that he’s “already big and strong,” so “might as well try to get more explosive, faster.”

Though Schwarber knocked out 30 home runs this past season, his numbers were otherwise pedestrian. He hit .211/.315/.467 with 59 RBI and 67 runs scored in 486 plate appearances.

There has been some speculation that the Cubs will try to trade Schwarber to an American League team where he can be a DH. He’s a subpar defender, so making him a full-time DH makes a lot of sense. So far, though, the only team that has been linked to Schwarber this offseason has been the Red Sox.