Obama compares the Farm Bill to Mike Trout

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President Obama was in Michigan today to sign the Farm Bill. I feel like he was trolling Miguel Cabrera truthers up there when he chose to compare it to baseball’s actual best player:

The president likened the nearly $1 trillion bill to a Swiss Army Knife for its many policy implications — on agriculture, on public food programs, on the environment and beyond.

“It’s like Mike Trout — for those of you who like baseball,” he added, likening it to the multi-talented Angels outfielder who fell short in 2012’s MVP race against Tigers slugger Miguel Cabrera.

Nah, Mike Trout is way better than the Farm Bill. He’d never cut food stamps by $8 billion …

A source in the White House shot me some early drafts of his speech:

  • “The Farm Bill is a lot like Joba Chamberlain: expensive, bloated and only relevant to Nebraskans”
  • “The Farm Bill is a lot like Miguel Cabrera: It’s feared, will break down when you need it most, but has gaudy numbers so everyone loves it.”
  • “The Farm Bill is like Derek Bell. If you don’t fully fund it, it will lead to a shutdown.”

Some additional drafts:

 

We could probably do this all day.

(thanks Reid Epstein for the heads up)

Ichiro Suzuki tops Rickey Henderson as the oldest starting center fielder

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Marlins’ outfielder Ichiro Suzuki set a new record for the Marlins on Sunday afternoon, and all he had to do was take the field. The 43-year-old made his second start of the year in center field, becoming the oldest starting center fielder in Major League Baseball since 1900.

Suzuki made his first start in center field back on May 6, but came 15 days shy of beating the record Rickey Henderson established in 2002 when he patrolled center field at a sprightly 43 years and 211 days old. During Sunday’s series finale against the Cubs, Suzuki’s 43 years and 246 days set a new record for aging outfielders.

Naturally, Ichiro commemorated his moment in history by doing what he does best — proving that age is just a number. He reached on a fielding error by Addison Russell in the first inning and came home to score on a Marcell Ozuna RBI single to pad the Marlins’ three-run lead. His defense wasn’t too shabby, either, as he gloved a shallow fly ball in the second inning to bail Edinson Volquez out of a bases-loaded jam.

The Marlins currently lead 3-2 in the seventh.

Indians sign Michael Martinez to minor league deal

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There’s something irresistible about Michael Martinez, at least where the Indians are concerned. Six weeks after parting ways with the utility infielder/outfielder, the Indians re-signed Martinez for the fifth time in three years, committing to a minor league contract that will see the 34-year-old in Triple-A Columbus this week. He was designated for assignment by the Rays last Thursday after slashing just .077/.172/.077 through his first 29 PA with the club.

Martinez bounced around the American League last season, logging four games with the Red Sox after the Indians jettisoned him in a trade for cash considerations. He returned to Cleveland on waivers and finished the year with a cumulative .238/.267/.307 batting line, contributing one home run and a .574 OPS in just 106 PA. He found more consistency in the minors, touting a .288 average, 11 extra-base hits and 12 RBI in 114 PA for Triple-A Columbus last season, but didn’t receive enough playing time to develop his stuff at the big league level.

Martinez will rejoin fellow infielders Chris Colabello, Nellie Rodriguez, Josh Wilson, Ronny Rodriguez, Todd Hankins, Yandy Diaz, Eric Stamets and Giovanny Urshela on the Clippers’ roster.