daniel descalso getty

The Cardinals and Daniel Descalso avoid arbitration with a one-year deal


People paying attention to the Super Bowl when there’s big news like this from baseball:


Descalso requested $1.65 million and the Cards offered $930,000.

There. I’ve sunk to a “utility infielder avoids arbitration” post. Are you happy, world? The offseason has officially hit its nadir.

Now: back to working on my action movie script in which Chipper Jones saves America after the evil General Bonesteel tries to kidnap the president. I think I’ll call it “Chipper Jones: Bonesteel.” I don’t have the plot worked out completely yet, but his secret weapon is his Yicketty Stick on which he goes Mammo on his enemies. And when he needs to get out of a tight spot fast, he summons his helicopter by barking “Chopper to Chipper!” into a two-way radio.

I figure it’ll make, like, a billion dollars once you figure in international box office.

Yoenis Cespedes says he’s 100%

Yoenis Cespedes
Leave a comment

Yoenis Cespedes, who took a pitch off his hand last week, scaring the bejesus out of Mets fans, said today that he’s “100 percent ready” for the NLDS against the Dodgers.

He sat out Thursday and then went 2-for-7 with a double and a walk in the Mets’ remaining games. While he only had bruises on those fingers, pain and discomfort have, in the past affected guys who have been hit on the hands, messing with grip and power. Cesepdes saying that’s not an issue is a good thing.


Ichiro Suzuki is re-signing with the Marlins for 2016

Ichiro Suzuki

Fresh off his season-ending pitching debut, Ichiro Suzuki has decided to re-sign with the Marlins for 2016.

Joe Frisaro of MLB.com reports that an official announcement will be made later today,

Suzuki was one of the worst players in baseball this season, hitting .229 with one homer and a .561 OPS in 153 games as a semi-regular for the Marlins at age 41. He hasn’t topped a .700 OPS since 2010, hitting a combined .268 with a .304 on-base percentage and .342 slugging percentage in 769 games during the past five seasons.

He’s also just 65 hits short of reaching 3,000 for his MLB career and presumably the Marlins like being involved in that upcoming milestone and having the well-liked future Hall of Famer in the clubhouse to keep him around in what will no doubt be a lesser role.