Ryan Theriot Getty

Quiet Riot: Ryan Theriot retires

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He didn’t play in 2013, but it wasn’t for lack of interest on his part. Now he’s done, though: Chris Cotillo of MLB Daily Dish reports that Ryan Theriot is officially retired.

Theriot ends his career with a line of .281/.341/.350 and 17 homers across eight big league seasons with four teams, mostly the Cubs. He may be best remembered among smarty-pants internet people as the inspiration for TOOTBLAN.  And while Cooperstown is not in the offing, he is a shoe-in candidate for the Hall of Guys Who We Remember Playing Some Infield at Some Point Back in the Oughts.

He should probably be inducted alongside Mike Fontenot, who will become eligible for the honor at the same time.

Carlos Gomez homered in his first at-bat as a Ranger

Carlos Gomez
AP Photo/Pat Sullivan
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Rangers outfielder Carlos Gomez made his debut with his new team on Thursday night after a brief stint with Triple-A Round Rock. He started in left field and was inserted into the number eight spot in the Rangers’ batting order.

The Rangers made two quick outs in the bottom of the second inning, with Adrian Beltre grounding out and Rougned Odor striking out. But the inning was kept alive as Jonathan Lucroy singled and advanced to second base on a wild pitch, and then Mitch Moreland walked to bring up Gomez.

Gomez took a first-pitch cutter from Josh Tomlin for a ball, then jumped on another cut fastball, drilling it for a no-doubt three-run home run into the seats in left field at Globe Life Park in Arlington (#29 out of 30 in Craig’s ballpark name rankings).

Here’s the video.

Video: Jarrod Dyson becomes the first in Marlins Park history to rob a home run

SURPRISE, AZ - FEBRUARY 25:  Jarrod Dyson #1 of the Kansas City Royals poses for a portrait during spring training photo day at Surprise Stadium on February 25, 2016 in Surprise, Arizona.  (Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images)
Christian Petersen/Getty Images
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Marlins Park has been around since 2012, but coming into Thursday’s action, the ballpark hadn’t seen any player rob a home run. Royals outfielder Jarrod Dyson changed that in Thursday night’s series finale in Miami.

Christian Yelich smoked a 1-2 slider that Edinson Volquez left up in the zone, hitting what looked like a solo home run to straightaway center field. Dyson gave chase, timed his leap, and snagged the ball in spectacular fashion to save a run on Volquez’s behalf.

The Statcast numbers are pretty impressive:

Indeed, Dyson’s snag is the first home run robbery at Marlins Park, according to ESPN Stats & Info.