Several Biogenesis players are stunningly equally ashamed of themselves

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Here are the official press releases from seven of today’s 13 suspended Biogenesis players. These are words coming straight from the heart, let me tell you.

Antonio Bastardo:

Today, I was notified by Major League Baseball that I have been suspended for 50 games for violation of the Joint Drug Agreement. I have decided to accept this suspension and will not exercise my rights under the Basic Agreement to appeal. I made significant errors in judgment during the 2012 season and I accept full responsibility for those errors. I look forward to regaining the trust and respect of the Phillies’ organization, Phillies’ fans and my family, and look forward to helping the Phillies win a championship in 2014.

Fautino De Los Santos:

I was notified by Major League Baseball that I am to be suspended for 50 games for violation of the Joint Drug Agreement. I willingly accept this suspension and will not exercise my rights under the Basic Agreement to appeal. I made certain unsound decisions during the 2012 season and I accept full responsibility for those decisions. I look forward to regaining the trust and respect of the Padres’ organization, their fans and most importantly, my family. I look forward to helping the San Diego Padres in 2014.

Sergio Escalona:

I was notified by Major League Baseball that I have been suspended for 50 games for violation of the Joint Drug Agreement. I will accept this suspension and not exercise my right under the Basic Agreement to appeal. I made errors in judgment during the 2012 season and I accept full responsibility for those errors. I will make every attempt to regain the trust and respect of the Astros’ organization, their fans and most importantly, my family. I am hopeful that I can make significant contributions to the Astros in the 2014 season.

Fernando Martinez:

I have been notified by Major League Baseball that I am to be suspended for 50 games for violation of the Joint Drug Agreement. I accept this suspension and will not exercise my right under the Basic Agreement to appeal. I made a serious mistake during the 2012 season and I accept full responsibility for this mistake. I look forward to regaining the trust and respect of the Yankees’ organization, their fans and most importantly, my family. I am hopeful that I can make significant contributions to the Yankees in 2014.

Jesus Montero:

I have been notified by the Commissioner of Major League Baseball that I have been suspended for 50 games for violation of the Joint Drug Agreement. I have decided to accept this suspension and not exercise my rights under the Basic Agreement to appeal. I made certain mistakes during the 2012 season and I accept full responsibility for those mistakes. I look forward to regaining the trust and respect of the Mariners’ organization, Mariners’ fans and my family. I look forward to making significant contributions to the Mariners in 2014.

Cesar Puello:

Today, I was notified by the Commissioner of Major League Baseball that I have been suspended for 50 games for violation of the Joint Drug Agreement. Out of respect for the Mets’ organization, my teammates, and my family, I have decided to accept this suspension and not exercise my rights under the Basic Agreement to appeal. I made certain mistakes during the 2012 season and I accept full responsibility for those mistakes. I look forward to regaining the trust and respect of the Mets’ organization, Mets’ fans and my family, and ultimately helping the club win a championship.

Jordany Valdespin:

I have been notified by the Commissioner of Major League Baseball that I have been suspended for 50 games for violation of the Joint Drug Agreement. I have decided to accept this suspension and not exercise my rights under the Basic Agreement to appeal. I made certain errors in judgment during the 2012 season and I accept full responsibility for those errors. I look forward to regaining the trust and respect of the Mets’ organization, Mets’ fans and my family, and look forward to contributing to the Mets in 2014.

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Yes, you guessed it, all seven share the same lawyer.

Jose Reyes is hitless in 20 plate appearances to start the season

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Mets backup infielder Jose Reyes pinch-hit and popped up in the top of the eighth inning of Thursday night’s game in Atlanta against the Braves. That ran his streak up to 20 consecutive hitless plate appearances to start the 2018 season. He has reached base once, however, on a walk, so there’s that.

Reyes, 34, signed a one-year, $2 million contract with the Mets near the end of January. At the time, the Mets hadn’t yet signed Todd Frazier, so Reyes was in the mix to contribute as a utilityman but he has operated as a bat off the bench for the most part this season.

One wonders how much longer the Mets are going to let Reyes flounder. According to FanGraphs, he has already been worth a half-win less than a replacement-level player. Only eight other players have been as bad or worse this season.