bryce harper getty

Bryce Harper vs. Jesus


The media, particularly the Washington media, has spent several years now trafficking in some pretty major Bryce Harper hype. To his credit, Harper has lived up to that hype. More than lived up to it, in my view, to the point where the hype isn’t all that crazy.

So what to do you now if you’re a D.C. media type? You parody the hype as a means of telling everyone to not get too ahead of themselves in the Bryce Harper hype:

Harper at 20 vs. Jesus at 20: We’re talking “of Nazareth” here, not “Ivan de.” This was the toughest head-to-head matchup, but Bam-Bam wins again. Although he was purported to do some very good work as the Son of Man after 29, the New Testament has no record of Jesus between 12 and 30, often referred to by biblical scholars as “the silent years.” It’s assumed he was working as a Galilee carpenter for 18 years, but because there is no historical record, we can’t really say either way.

The only thing we do know is he didn’t crush two home runs on his first opening day, did he? One is considered the Messiah by many; the other saved baseball in Washington.

Or, I suppose, we could just watch and enjoy this guy’s game rather than decide whether he is overrated, underrated or properly rated. But that would leave a lot of columnists without things to do.

The 2005 White Sox continue to be erased


We noted yesterday that in the rush to name the Cubs the saviors of Chicago sports fans everywhere, the 2005 Chicago White Sox — and the 1959 White Sox for that matter — are being completely overlooked as World Series champs and pennant winners, respectively.

That continued last night, as first ESPN and then the Washington Post erased the Chisox out of existence in the name of pushing their Cubs-driven narrative. I mean, get a load of this graphic:

Was there no one at the world’s largest sports network — not an anchor, production assistant, researcher, intern or even a dang janitor who could tell them what was wrong with this? Guess not!

Meanwhile, the normally reliable Barry Svrluga gives the Cubs the 2004 Red Sox treatment as a group of players who will never have to buy a drink in their city again. His story is better about keeping it franchise-centric as opposed to making it a city-wide thing, but whoever is responsible for the tweet promoting the story makes a Cubs World Series a unique thing for not just Cubs fans, but Chicago as a whole:

The White Sox play in the AL Central so I assume their fans have no love at all for the Cleveland Indians. But I can’t help but think a good number of them are rooting for the Tribe simply to push back against the complete whitewashing of the White Sox.

Kyle Schwarber is on a private plane en route to Cleveland

PHOENIX, AZ - APRIL 07:  Kyle Schwarber #12 of the Chicago Cubs bats against the Arizona Diamondbacks during the MLB game at Chase Field on April 7, 2016 in Phoenix, Arizona.  (Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images)
Getty Images

This is happening, people.

Earlier we heard Joe Maddon being non-committal about Kyle Schwarber joining the Cubs for the World Series. Now it seems pretty clear that the Cubs are committal indeed: Jon Morosi reports that Schwarber is en route to Cleveland from Arizona on a private jet and that he’s expected to DH in Game 1 tomorrow night.

Schwarber hasn’t played in a game that counted since April 7. His potent bat is could be a windfall for a Cubs team that didn’t have a game-changing option at DH in the American League park.

Schwarber lost the whole season due to a knee injury, but he hit .246/.355/.487 with 16 homers and 43 RBI in 69 games as a rookie in 2015. His big coming out party was in the playoffs, however, when he hit three homers in five postseason games while going 7-for-13 with two walks in five games.