This is drugs [holds up an egg].
This is your brain on drugs [cracks eggs into frying pan, fries eggs, struggles to make it out of Single-A ball so decides to take some steroids and stuff in order to his some more dingers]:
The Office of the Commissioner of Baseball announced today that two Boston Red Sox Minor League players have been suspended following their violations of the Minor League Drug Prevention and Treatment Program.
Right-handed pitcher Gerson Bautista has received a 50-game suspension without pay after testing positive for Metabolites of Stanozolol. The suspension of Bautista, who is on the roster of the Dominican Summer League Red Sox, is effective at the start of the DSL season.
Left-handed pitcher Miguel Pena has received a 50-game suspension without pay following a second positive test for a drug of abuse. The suspension of Pena, who is on the roster of the Single-A Salem Red Sox of the Carolina League, is effective immediately.
[Then Rachel Leigh Cook comes in, hits Bautista and Pena over the head with frying pan; parlays that whole bit into a middling acting career in the late 90s and early 2000s, sort of undermining the whole point of the PSA in the first place].
David O’Brien of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reports that Braves pitcher Matt Marksberry has been woken up from a medically-induced coma at an Orlando-area hospital. Marksberry complained of stomach pain and went in for a colonoscopy on Tuesday. During the procedure, he suffered a seizure and a collapsed lung.
Marksberry’s brother Ethan said on Facebook that doctors were removing an endotracheal tube, preparing to wake him from from the coma.
Marksberry tweeted on Monday:
Here’s hoping for the best for Marksberry as he recovers from this scary health issue.
Marksberry, 26, missed the last two months of the season with a shoulder injury. He spent most of the season with Triple-A Gwinnett but did face 17 batters at the big league level for the Braves this season.
It’s tied 2-2, but if you’re like most people you have feelings about who has an edge.
Maybe you’re a “momentum” person and you like the Cubs’ current vibe because they scored a bunch last night. Maybe you’re a “momentum is your next day’s starting pitcher” guy, and you prefer either Jon Lester or Kenta Maeda. Or maybe you’re playing chess with all of this and thinking a couple of moves ahead. As in “yes, the Cubs have an advantage tonight because Lester is better than Maeda, but if they DON’T win tonight they’re screwed because then they have to face Kershaw and Hill in Games 6 and 7.”
I dunno. I find all of that rather exhausting. Let’s just watch and see what happens. Here’s who will be doing the happening:
1. Dexter Fowler (S) CF
2. Kris Bryant (R) 3B
3. Anthony Rizzo (L) 1B
4. Ben Zobrist (S) LF
5. Javier Baez (R) 2B
6. Jason Heyward (L) RF
7. Addison Russell (R) SS
8. David Ross (R) C
9. Jon Lester (L) LHP
1. Kiké Hernández (R) 2B
2. Justin Turner (R) 3B
3. Corey Seager (L) SS
4. Carlos Ruiz (R) C
5. Howie Kendrick (R) LF
6. Adrian González (L) 1B
7. Yasiel Puig (R) RF
8. Joc Pederson (L) CF
9. Kenta Maeda (R) RHP