This is drugs [holds up an egg].
This is your brain on drugs [cracks eggs into frying pan, fries eggs, struggles to make it out of Single-A ball so decides to take some steroids and stuff in order to his some more dingers]:
The Office of the Commissioner of Baseball announced today that two Boston Red Sox Minor League players have been suspended following their violations of the Minor League Drug Prevention and Treatment Program.
Right-handed pitcher Gerson Bautista has received a 50-game suspension without pay after testing positive for Metabolites of Stanozolol. The suspension of Bautista, who is on the roster of the Dominican Summer League Red Sox, is effective at the start of the DSL season.
Left-handed pitcher Miguel Pena has received a 50-game suspension without pay following a second positive test for a drug of abuse. The suspension of Pena, who is on the roster of the Single-A Salem Red Sox of the Carolina League, is effective immediately.
[Then Rachel Leigh Cook comes in, hits Bautista and Pena over the head with frying pan; parlays that whole bit into a middling acting career in the late 90s and early 2000s, sort of undermining the whole point of the PSA in the first place].
Bill Whitehead of the Atlanta Journal Constitution reports that the Braves have signed reliever David Hernandez to a minor league contract on Sunday. He’ll report to spring training as a non-roster invitee.
Hernandez, who turns 32 years old in May, signed a minor league contract with the Giants in February. He requested and was granted his release on Friday when he learned he wasn’t making the team’s 25-man roster to open the season.
Hernandez pitched for the Phillies last year. He compiled a 3.84 ERA with an 80/32 K/BB ratio in 72 2/3 innings.
Scott Kazmir won’t begin the regular season in the Dodgers’ starting rotation. Manager Dave Roberts said after Kazmir’s Cactus League outing on Sunday that it “doesn’t make sense” for the ailing Kazmir to break camp in the rotation, Andy McCullough of the Los Angeles Times reports. The lefty will instead rehab some more and join the rotation at a later time.
Kazmir has been battling a hip issue which has caused his mechanics to suffer. He was clocked in the low 80’s 10 days ago and wasn’t much better on Sunday afternoon.
Last season with the Dodgers, Kazmir posted a 4.56 ERA with a 134/52 K/BB ratio in 136 1/3 innings, his worst numbers since returning to the majors in 2013.