Mike Lupica thinks Major League Baseball has the power to convene grand juries

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I somehow missed Mike Lupica’s column about Ryan Braun from yesterday. Kind of sad I’m only seeing it now, because it contains some amazingly useful information!  For example, did you know that anyone — even private businesses — can convene grand juries? Even when there is no criminal investigation, no arrest, no suspects or anything?

There is only one way for Major League Baseball and for the rest of us to get the answers we need on Bosch the “biochemist” and Braun and A-Rod and all the other misunderstood ballplayers who have made the PED version of the Dean’s List, known as Bosch’s List: Get everybody in front of a grand jury and make them tell their stories under oath, not to their PR men.

Make them all explain why they were associating with a PED pusher like Anthony Bosch in the first place.

This is a fabulous opportunity! If anyone can convene a grand jury I can finally indict that no good neighbor of mine who lets his dog poop in my yard! The possibilities are endless.

But it’s not just the grand jury stuff. Lupica offers all kinds of opinions about the legal system in this column. He knows how lawyers should or should not choose their consultants and experts as well as how much they cost. He’s well-versed in arbitration process and procedure. Really, he knows it all!

Noah Syndergaard scratched with a “tired arm”

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Mets manager Terry Collins says that he has scratched Noah Syndergaard, who was supposed to start this afternoon’s game against the Braves. In his place will go Matt Harvey.

Syndergaard, Collins says, has “tired arm.” But also says he has some discomfort in his right biceps. He will have an MRI, but Syndergaard says it’s not serious and that he could pitch as soon as Sunday. Collins says this is an abundance-of-caution type thing, saying “we can’t take a chance on this guy.” Which is true.

The Mets ace is 1-1 with a 1.73 ERA and 30 strikeouts in 26 innings. He has walked no one this year. Not a soul.

James Paxton has a fantastic new nickname

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James Paxton of the Mariners is 3-0 with a 1.39 ERA, 39 strikeouts and only six walks in 32.1 innings of work over five starts. Last night he shut the Tigers down, tossing seven shutout innings, striking out nine and allowing only four hits. With Felix Hernandez looking less than king-like lately, Paxton is asserting himself as the new ace of the Seattle staff.

And now the tall Canadian native has a nickname to match his ace-like status:

“Pax was really outstanding and we certainly needed it,” manager Scott Servais said of the Canadian southpaw. “Big Maple is what he was nicknamed tonight and I kind of like that. He was awesome.”

“Big Maple” is a fantastic nickname. That’s the sort of nickname guys used to get back when nicknames were great. Before managers just put “y” at the end of dudes’ names and before the “First Initial-First Three Letters of The Last Name” convention took hold in the wake of A-Rod.

“Big Maple.” That makes me smile. I’m gonna be smiling all dang day because of that.