Our long national nightmare is over: Youk texts Joba

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A couple of weeks ago we were hipped to the other big Yankees drama this offseason: whether Kevin Youkilis was ever going to return that voice mail Joba Chamberlain left him after Youkilis signed with New York. IS THE HATCHET TRULY BURIED? some wondered, eager with anticipation.

The answer: yes. It’s buried:

Yankees reliever Joba Chamberlain said he’s received a text message from new teammate Kevin Youkilis and hopes whatever tension existed between the two is past.

Or is it? Because let’s face it: an actual call is more significant than a text, right? Joba CALLED Kevin! And all Kevin can do is text him back? Like, whatever. The only way to disrespect him more is to try to Facebook-message him, am I right? Kevin may think he’s patched things up, but when everyone comes back to class after summer vacation, I think he’s going to find that he’s getting the cold shoulder in the cafeteria.

Er, the clubhouse. I meant the clubhouse. Because this is not junior high school. Not at all.

Twins will not pick up Glen Perkins’ 2018 option

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The Twins have informed reliever Glen Perkins they will not pick up his 2018 club option worth $6.5 million, MLB.com’s Rhett Bollinger reports. Instead, he will be paid $700,000 per his buyout clause.

Perkins, 34, has pitched a total of 7 2/3 innings over the last two seasons due to shoulder and biceps injuries. Bollinger adds that the two could come to terms on a minor league deal, but if they can’t reach an agreement, the lefty is likely to retire.

From 2011-15, Perkins emerged as one of the better relievers in baseball, making three All-Star teams. He compiled an aggregate 2.84 ERA with 340 strikeouts and 73 walks across 313 1/3 innings.