Major League Baseball asks the Miami New Times for its Biogenesis records

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A little over a week ago 33% of the words in the headline would make so sense to any of us. Anyway:

Major League Baseball officials have asked the Miami News Times for records the alternative newspaper obtained for a story on alleged use of banned substances by several players. Miami New Times editor Chuck Strouse said Tuesday the paper had not yet decided how to respond. Strouse described the MLB move as a request and noted that the league does not have legal subpoena power.

Bud: Wait, we don’t have any subpoena power? Manfred! Torre! Get in here!

Rob Manfred and Joe Torre: [in unison] Yes boss?

Bud: This fella from the newspaper said I don’t have subpoena power. How is that possible?

Manfred: Because you’re not the government, sir.

Bud: I have control of a monopoly, do I not?

Torre: Yes sir.

Bud: And I have had federal agents do my bidding in the past, have I not?

Manfred: Yes sir.

Bud: Then get me one of those subpoena things and let’s get cracking, OK? [presses button on desk, pneumatic tube descends upon him, he is sucked into another room, possibly for lunch]

Manfred: [sigh]. Joe, get George Mitchell over here. Tell him to wear his governmenty suit.

Sean Manaea pitches the first no-hitter of 2018

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Athletics southpaw Sean Manaea delivered his first career no-hitter against the Red Sox in a decisive 3-0 victory on Saturday night. Any thought of a perfect game was banished in the first at-bat, when Mookie Betts drew a leadoff six-pitch walk to open the first inning. From there, Manaea was nearly flawless, holding the Sox to four total baserunners and striking out 10 of 30 batters faced — a career record.

Manaea was gifted a three-run lead thanks to RBI doubles from Jed Lowrie and Stephen Piscotty and Marcus Semien‘s solo shot off of Chris Sale in the fifth inning. While the Red Sox managed to draw two walks off of Manaea, they didn’t come anywhere close to plating a run. Andrew Benintendi tried to break up the no-no in the sixth inning with an infield hit down the first base line, but strayed out of bounds and later saw his hit reversed on a call of batter interference.

Entering the ninth inning, the 26-year-old lefty was sitting at just 95 pitches through eight frames of no-hit ball. He quickly deposed Blake Swihart and Mookie Betts with a groundout and fly out, then walked Benintendi on seven pitches. Any threat the Red Sox might have posed was soon eliminated, however, as Hanley Ramirez ground into a force out to complete the no-hitter.

Manaea is the first A’s pitcher to toss a no-no since Dallas Braden’s perfect game against the Rays eight years ago. The last time the Red Sox were on the losing end of a no-hitter was also against an AL West rival, when the Mariners’ Chris Bosio clinched a 2-0 no-no on April 22, 1993. Manaea’s feat is even more outstanding given how dominant the Red Sox have looked this season: prior to Saturday’s defeat, they boasted a 17-2 record and had yet to be shut out during the regular season.