Derek Jeter was in the bathroom when Russell Martin hit the go-ahead homer. Does this mean anything?

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Jeff Passan reports that Derek Jeter was not around to see Russell Martin go deep in the ninth inning of last night’s game. Why?

“I was in the bathroom,” Jeter said.

Hey, you gotta go, you gotta go.  Passan, however, takes a larger lesson away from all of this:

Because he has been here before, and because he might be the coolest human being in the world, Derek Jeter tends not to approach playoff games that are tied in the ninth inning with the white-knuckle anxiety of an average person … Hold the old prostate jokes and think about what that says: the trust, the conviction, the swagger – that these Orioles, who had pushed the Yankees all season long and were again doing it in Game 1 of the best-of-five series, did not warrant his full attention in the ninth inning of a tied playoff game.

Or — and maybe I’m just pissin’ in the wind here myself — he really had to go, he just got off the field from the bottom of the eighth, if he waited any longer that half inning it would be his turn to bat, and if he waited beyond that he would have had to go out to the field to play short in the bottom of the inning.

Occam’s Razor, folks. If a guy is going potty, it may have more to do with his bladder than it has to do with swagger, Mystique, Aura and all of that jazz.

Report: Glen Perkins will retire from baseball

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According to MLB.com’s Rhett Bollinger, Twins GM Thad Levine told 1390 Granite City Sports that reliever Glen Perkins will retire.

Perkins, 34, has battled shoulder injuries over the last two years, limiting him to a total of 7 2/3 innings between 2016-17. His decision doesn’t come as much of a surprise given the circumstances. The Twins declined his $6.5 million club option back in October, making him a free agent.

Across parts of 12 seasons, all with the Twins, Perkins compiled a 3.88 ERA with 120 saves and a 504/158 K/BB ratio in 624 1/3 innings. He ranked among baseball’s best closers from 2013-15, racking up 102 of those saves with a 3.08 ERA. The lefty made the American League All-Star team in each of those three seasons.