MLB’s official statement on Melky shows that “regret” is now part of PED punishments

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Major League Baseball just released Bud Selig’s official statement on the new Melky Cabrera Rule. And — as I’m sure all of you will love — it opens up a whole new avenue of PED punishment and debate:

 “After giving this matter the consideration it deserves, I have decided that Major League Baseball will comply with Mr. Cabrera’s request,” said Baseball Commissioner Allan H. (Bud) Selig. “I respect his gesture as a sign of his regret and his desire to move forward, and I believe that, under these circumstances, the outcome is appropriate, particularly for Mr. Cabrera’s peers who are contending for the batting crown.”

Very nice of him, but now, apparently, the PED offender’s level of “regret” is relevant. Fifty games and millions in fines will not be considered enough in the court of public opinion. Whether a PED user is truly remorseful will depend on whatever ad-hoc grand gesture of contrition he makes over and above the suspension and forfeited salary.

If Melky will give up his batting title, what will the next guy have to do?  How many columns will be written by awards and Hall of Fame voters judging the player’s level of regret and finding it wanting? Heck, they do that already. As of today, however, they have an official diktat of Major League Baseball with which to justify their sanctimony.

All I know is that if I were Roger Clemens or Barry Bonds, I’d call a press conference tomorrow in which I officially remove myself from Hall of Fame consideration for one year. I declare that, because of my baseball sins, I do not feel worthy to be on the first ballot for which I am eligible, and do not wish to be considered among the great men who were first ballot inductees. I would go on about how I am remorseful for my actions. I’d even throw a bone to Jack Morris, saying I don’t want to be unfair to him for extra credit.

I bet people would eat that up. It’d get them in the Hall of Fame faster than they otherwise would.  Melky and Major League Baseball have shown us the way.

Someone stole the bat from the Ken Griffey, Jr. statue at Safeco Field

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The Mariners unveiled a statue of Hall of Fame outfielder Ken Griffey, Jr. earlier this year at Safeco Field, featuring the slugger in his famous follow-through seen after each of his 630 career home runs. Chris Daniels of KING 5 News in Seattle reported on Tuesday evening that someone had stolen the bat from the statue.

Thankfully, the Seattle Police Department announced that the bat has been recovered and a suspect has been arrested. They expect to provide more details later. Daniels reports the Mariners have confirmed the news.

My fellow Americans, our long national nightmare is over.