Roger Clemens won’t be a Texas Ranger

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File this under “things that should go without saying,” but Nolan Ryan said it anyway. Because some radio host asked him if the Rangers would be interested in being part of a Roger Clemens comeback:

“I think obviously things will be dictated by how he recovers and if he feels he can go out there and continue throwing and if he can build up some stamina. I think we just have to stay tuned. I might call him, but I don’t think I’ll be calling him about a job.”

Nolan: Hey, Roger, how are ya?

Roger: Good, sir. Calling me about a job?

Nolan: Heck, no. We’re actually playing serious baseball games, son, not running a circus sideshow.

Roger: …

Nolan: Hey, Roger. Know what’s hilarious?

Roger: What?

Nolan: Despite the fact that you were a better pitcher than me by every conceivable measure, if you asked 1000 people, I bet 800 of them would say I was.  Ain’t that a daisy!

Roger: …

Video: The greatest — or worst — first pitch of all time

Maddie Meyer/Getty Images
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The Red Sox are celebrating the 50th anniversary of the 1967 “Impossible Dream” team during Wednesday night’s series finale against the Cardinals. Jordan Leandre took the mound to throw out the first pitch. With past players lined up behind him, Leandre wound up and fired to home… juuuuust a bit outside. The ball hit photographer Tony Capobianco right in the family jewels.

Video from Bleacher Report’s Steve Perrault:

To his credit, Capobianco had a sense of humor about it:

Wil Myers stole second, third, and home in the same inning

Jon Durr/Getty Images
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Padres first baseman Wil Myers hit an RBI single off of Nick Pivetta in the bottom of the fourth inning of Wednesday afternoon’s game, giving his team a 1-0 lead. He then proceeded to steal second base, then third base, and finally home on a double-steal, scoring the Padres’ second run.

Per CSN Philly’s Marshall Harris, it’s the first time a player has stolen all three bases in the same inning since Marlins second baseman Dee Gordon in 2011. Indeed, on July 1 that year, Gordon stole all three bases against Angels pitcher Bobby Cassevah.

Myers is currently batting .238/.322/.459 with 24 home runs, 59 RBI, 61 runs scored, and 14 stolen bases in 491 plate appearances this season.