And now, tomorrow’s Bartolo Colon commentary today!

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I have a sneaking suspicion that Bartolo Colon’s drug suspension coming a week after Melky Cabrera’s is gonna be like manna from hack commentator heaven. The story line — and it will be treated as one, seamless story line — is gonna break down thusly:

Angle: Here we go again! The Bay Area is once again the center of the PEDs universe!

Comment: It is true, Colon plays on one side of the San Francisco Bay and Melky plays on the other. It is also true that Jose Canseco played on one side of the San Francisco Bay and Barry Bonds played on the other. This is an accident of geography and nothing more.  I’ll allow this as a viable angle if any evidence is revealed connecting the old Bay Area drug cases and these new ones. But that’s extremely unlikely.

There is almost certainly no connection at all between the old BALCO things and these testosterone tests. There is likely even no connection between Colon’s test and Cabrera’s. As such, linking all of these things together, or even just linking Cabrera and Colon together in some sort of grand “the Bay Area and PEDs” kind of thinkpiece without any actual factual basis for doing so is pretty good evidence that someone is mailing in a column. It’s the equivalent of writing a story about a murder in New York and spending several paragraphs on the Son of Sam killings.

Angle: Major League Baseball has a serious drug problem and has to do something now!

Comment: I bet Tom Verducci is kicking himself for writing this story yesterday instead of tomorrow, because it’s always way better to write a “the world is ending” trend piece when there is more than a single data point.  But now that there are two positive drug tests involving prominent players this year — sorry Freddy Galvis, Guillermo Mota and Marlon Byrd, you just don’t rate — we’re twice as far along into epidemic territory as we were yesterday.

That said, I still can’t see how the fact of a positive test and a player being penalized can serve as evidence that Major League Baseball’s drug testing program is flawed. Now, maybe it is flawed. Maybe the tests are done haphazardly and too seldomly. Maybe the whole thing is a farce. But the one thing that is not evidence of that is someone getting caught. No, to make the case that the system is broken, you have to actually explain what about it is broken. To do otherwise is the same as saying that the criminal justice system is broken because that guy who robbed the liquor store was caught and punished.

Angle: The Oakland A’s are sunk/The Oakland A’s are rallying

Comment: With all apologies to Mike Krukow, this line of thinking is post-hoc nonsense. It’s not going to help the A’s to have lost Colon, but in a world where people seem to think that even Stephen Strasburg is a non-essential part of a playoff team’s roster, I have a hard time buying Bartolo Colon’s absence as the tipping point. Especially now that they have Brett Anderson back to take his place.

If the A’s lose the wild card now, people will blame Bartolo Colon being gone. If they win it, they will credit the A’s rallying around the loss and/or betrayal and/or whatever of Colon and say it was the season’s turning point.  In reality, the A’s wild card hopes have a lot more to do with their offense, Brandon McCarthy’s health, the Tigers, the Orioles, the Angels and the Rays.  Colon is not a serious factor for anyone except someone searching for an easy storyline.

There. Now that you’ve read that, you can ignore everything else. Isn’t that a relief?

Derek Norris signing with the Rays

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Yahoo Sports’ Tim Brown reports that Derek Norris is signing with the Tampa Bay Rays.

Norris was released by the Nationals nine days ago, made redundant by the Nats’ signing of Matt Wieters and by everyone sliding down a notch on the depth chart below him. Norris hit only .186/.255/.328 with 14 home runs and a .528 OPS for the Padres in 2016.

Still, there always seems to be a place for a backup catcher. For Norris that place is Tampa Bay.

The Braves are banning outside food. And they’re probably lying about why they’re doing it.

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Here’s a thing a lot of people don’t realize: there are a lot of ballparks that allow you to bring in outside food.

Not all of them, but a lot do. They don’t publicize it, obviously, because they want you to buy their expensive food, but if you go to the concessions policy page on most team’s websites, you can get the scoop. It often lists “soft-sided coolers” under “permitted items,” which is code for “yes, you can bring your own food in.” Some may specifically limit THAT to sealed plastic water bottles, but for the most part, if you can bring soft-sided coolers into the park, that means it’s OK to bring in grandma’s potato salad and a few sandwiches. They may check your coolers, of course, to make sure you’re not bringing in alcohol or whatever.

The Atlanta Braves have always allowed food into the ballpark. But thats going to change in shiny new Sun Trust Park. The AJC reports that the Braves have announced a new policy via which ticket holders will not be allowed to bring in outside food. Exceptions will be made for infant food and for special dietary restriction items.

Which, OK, it’s their park and their rules. If they want to cut out the PB&J for junior and force you to buy him a $9 “kids pack” — or if they want you to forego grandma’s potato salad to buy that pork chop sandwich we mentioned yesterday — that’s their choice. Everything else about the Braves new stadium has been about extracting money from fans, so why not the concessions policy too?

My beef with this is less about the policy. It’s about their stated reason for it:

The changes are a result of tighter security being put into place this season throughout the league, said the Braves spokesperson.

This, as the French say, is horses**t.

We know it is because not all teams are prohibiting outside food. If there are tighter security measures across the board, other teams are implementing them without the food restriction. Even the Yankees, who take security theater to extreme heights as it is, are still allowing fans to bring in their own food.

The Braves, I strongly suspect, are using these measures as an excuse to cut down on competition for their concessions. Which, like I said, go for it. Just be honest about what you’re doing and stop blaming “tightened security” for your cash grab.