Ben Sheets admits he’s a zombie

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After a series of injuries and surgeries that made everyone this side of Rich Harden say “damn!” Ben Sheets has been pretty effective since his comeback with the Braves began.  But he did get beat up on Sunday, and it was suggested that perhaps he had dead arm.

Dave O’Brien of the AJC reports, however, that it’s a far greater problem:

But Sheets said Tuesday he would characterize it more as “dead body” now that he’s six starts into his comeback after two years out of baseball following multiple elbow operations.

“My whole body felt dead,” Sheets said. “I was like ‘Weekend at Bernie’s’ guy. I was like Bernie.”

Except there’s no lovely 1980s-era Catherine Mary Stewart to keep us interested in these proceedings.

Um, I may have said too much there. I’ll be back later. Gonna go watch “Night of the Comet” for the 500th time.

Report: Glen Perkins will retire from baseball

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According to MLB.com’s Rhett Bollinger, Twins GM Thad Levine told 1390 Granite City Sports that reliever Glen Perkins will retire.

Perkins, 34, has battled shoulder injuries over the last two years, limiting him to a total of 7 2/3 innings between 2016-17. His decision doesn’t come as much of a surprise given the circumstances. The Twins declined his $6.5 million club option back in October, making him a free agent.

Across parts of 12 seasons, all with the Twins, Perkins compiled a 3.88 ERA with 120 saves and a 504/158 K/BB ratio in 624 1/3 innings. He ranked among baseball’s best closers from 2013-15, racking up 102 of those saves with a 3.08 ERA. The lefty made the American League All-Star team in each of those three seasons.