Dirk Hayhurst: Jose Valverde is an amateur when it comes to spitballing

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Dirk Hayhurst is not impressed with the hubbub over Jose Valverde’s possible/maybe spitball from last night. He’s actually not all that impressed with the spitball itself either, assuming it was one.

Because, as The Garfoose notes, only amateurs use spit anyway. Pros use sun screen or Fixodent or Firm Grip or shaving gel or Vaseline. For starters, anyway.  If you’re into advanced doctoring …

Try Kramergesic or Red Hot. Burns a little, but it also leaves a nice slime in it’s wake. If you get asked about it, you can say it’s medicinal. Plus, a mixture of lube and sweat works far better than spit or snot… Unless you prefer snot, in which case, rub a little Red Hot in your nose and get it running good. Just don’t get it in your eyes or you’ll leave the game in tears regardless of your performance. Finally, there is always AstroGlide, or good old KY… Trust me, someone in the locker room has it.

Dirk says everyone does it. And it’s not just the guys like him (or the fictional Eddie Harris, whom he does quote, so don’t bother) who spent years trying to hang on who do it.  This morning he tweeted that even Greg Maddux did. They all do, he says, if for no other reason than to give hitters one more thing to think about.

I’m inclined to believe an insider like Hayhurst. It’s still against the rules and the “everybody does it” defense doesn’t wash on a case-by-case basis even if it does put a given subject like throwing a spitter (or taking steroids for that matter) in greater context. But he’s probably right that our reaction to instances of guys getting caught with their hand in the Vaseline jar should be less “Oh my stars and garters!” and more “Heh, whaddaya know? Someone was obvious enough to get caught.”

Buster Posey thinks Hector Neris hit him on purpose

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Giants catcher Buster Posey was hit by a pitch in the bottom of the eighth inning during Sunday afternoon’s series finale against the Phillies. It was a first-pitch fastball from closer Hector Neris, who had just entered the game. The Giants then had the bases loaded, but Pablo Sandoval struck out to end the inning and the Giants went on to lose 5-2.

After the game, Posey said he thinks Neris hit him on purpose, per Henry Schulman of the San Francisco Chronicle. Posey thinks Neris thought he couldn’t get him out.

Per MLB.com’s Todd Zolecki, Neris said “absolutely not” when asked if he threw at Posey on purpose. The rest of the Phillies clubhouse, per Zolecki, “Say whaaat?!”

Here’s a link to the video of Posey getting hit. Now that we have automatic intentional walks, pitchers don’t even have to risk throwing four pitches wide of the strike zone to intentionally walk a hitter, so if Neris felt he couldn’t get Posey out, there was still no need to hit him. Furthermore, Neris isn’t going to hit Posey to load the bases and put the go-ahead run on first in a 4-2 ballgame. Sandoval has been a much worse hitter than Posey, for sure, but Neris would lose the platoon advantage if he felt like facing Sandoval instead, anyway.

Getting hit hurts, so it’s understandable Posey may have been salty in the moment. But after the game, when the pain has subsided and he’s had time to think over everything, there’s no way Posey should still come to the conclusion that Neris was trying to hit him on purpose.

Bartolo Colon has now beaten all 30 major league teams

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The Twins backed starter Bartolo Colon with plenty of offense on Sunday afternoon against the Diamondbacks, scoring nine runs in the first en route to a 12-5 victory. Colon pitched six innings, yielding four runs on seven hits and two walks with six strikeouts.

In earning the win on Sunday, Colon became the 18th pitcher to have beaten all 30 major league teams. The others: Al Leiter, Kevin Brown, Terry Mulholland, Curt Schilling, Woody Williams, Jamie Moyer, Randy Johnson, Barry Zito, A.J. Burnett, Javier Vazquez, Vicente Padilla, Derek Lowe, Dan Haren, Kyle Lohse, Tim Hudson, John Lackey, and Max Scherzer.

Colon had failed to earn the win in his previous four attempts against the Diamondbacks. One start came in 2006, one in 2015, and two last season.

There are currently nine active pitchers on the precipice of beating all 30 teams. Their names and the teams they’ve yet to beat: CC Sabathia (Marlins), Zack Greinke (Royals), Ervin Santana (Brewers), Ubaldo Jimenez (Rockies), Francisco Liriano (Marlins), J.A. Happ (Dodgers), Scott Kazmir (Brewers), Jon Lester (Red Sox), Edwin Jackson (Braves). Additionally, R.A. Dickey has yet to beat the Rockies and Cubs, Joe Blanton hasn’t beaten the Yankees and Athletics, and Jake Arrieta is winless against the Cubs and Mariners.