Dirk Hayhurst: Jose Valverde is an amateur when it comes to spitballing

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Dirk Hayhurst is not impressed with the hubbub over Jose Valverde’s possible/maybe spitball from last night. He’s actually not all that impressed with the spitball itself either, assuming it was one.

Because, as The Garfoose notes, only amateurs use spit anyway. Pros use sun screen or Fixodent or Firm Grip or shaving gel or Vaseline. For starters, anyway.  If you’re into advanced doctoring …

Try Kramergesic or Red Hot. Burns a little, but it also leaves a nice slime in it’s wake. If you get asked about it, you can say it’s medicinal. Plus, a mixture of lube and sweat works far better than spit or snot… Unless you prefer snot, in which case, rub a little Red Hot in your nose and get it running good. Just don’t get it in your eyes or you’ll leave the game in tears regardless of your performance. Finally, there is always AstroGlide, or good old KY… Trust me, someone in the locker room has it.

Dirk says everyone does it. And it’s not just the guys like him (or the fictional Eddie Harris, whom he does quote, so don’t bother) who spent years trying to hang on who do it.  This morning he tweeted that even Greg Maddux did. They all do, he says, if for no other reason than to give hitters one more thing to think about.

I’m inclined to believe an insider like Hayhurst. It’s still against the rules and the “everybody does it” defense doesn’t wash on a case-by-case basis even if it does put a given subject like throwing a spitter (or taking steroids for that matter) in greater context. But he’s probably right that our reaction to instances of guys getting caught with their hand in the Vaseline jar should be less “Oh my stars and garters!” and more “Heh, whaddaya know? Someone was obvious enough to get caught.”

Boston is naming a street after David Ortiz

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The Red Sox are going to retire David Ortiz’s number 34 tomorrow. The City of Boston is going to give Ortiz a different honor: they’re going to name a street after him.

The street: Yawkey Way Extension, which will be renamed David Ortiz Drive. Note: this is not the Yawkey Way that runs outside of Fenway Park. This is the, duh, extension of it beyond Brookline Avenue just to the northwest. See here, via Google Maps:

There is already a David Ortiz Bridge, which is the bridge that takes Brookline over the Turnpike just north of what will now be David Ortiz Way.

Now: rename Yawkey Way and we’re really cooking with gas.

Yoenis Cespedes advises younger player to hustle

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Bill wrote last night about Yasiel Puig admiring a homer and raising the ire of the New York Mets because of it. I expanded on that some in the recaps. As far as significant baseball events go, it ain’t one. It’s just a silly thing that happened in one of 15 games and is, at best a minor footnote in the Chronicle of the Unwritten Rules.

But it does deserve one more post, because I missed something from it all. This passage from the AP recap of the game:

“He disrespected us,” Flores said. “I think there’s a way to enjoy a home run. That was too much.”

Between innings, Mets veteran Jose Reyes and outfielder Yoenis Cespedes, also from Cuba, spoke with Puig on the field.

“After I talked to Cespedes, he told me, `Try to run a little bit faster,’ and tried to give me some advice,” Puig said through a translator. “I don’t look at it that way, but it is what it is.”

Because, obviously, when you think about respect, professionalism, decorum and the proper way to comport oneself, you think about Jose Reyes. And when you think about hustle, you think about Yoenis Cespedes.