Johan Santana gets pounded in first start after no-no

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Someone did in fact flirt with a no-no in the Bronx tonight, but it wasn’t Johan Santana after he threw 134 pitches last week in the first no-hitter in Mets history. Hiroki Kuroda held the Mets hitless for 5 2/3 innings Friday in the Yankees’ 9-1 victory.

Santana, who had thrown back-to-back shutouts against the Padres and Cardinals, was lit up for six runs in five innings in this one. He surrendered four homers, matching his total for the season entering the night.

Robinson Cano hit two of the four homers, giving him 11 on the season.  Cano, Nick Swisher and Andruw Jones went back-to-back-to-back off Santana with two outs in the third inning.

Still, it was Kuroda who shined brightest in this one, facing the minimum for 5 2/3 before Omar Quintanilla doubled into the left-center gap. It was the only hit he allowed on the night before a bruised foot forced him to depart after the seventh.

As for Santana, he had his typical velocity tonight after getting a couple of extra days of rest, but not his location, as he left too many pitches up in the strike zone. He’s now 3-3 with a 2.96 ERA in 12 starts this season.

The Braves will be serving some insane food this season

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Lots of teams have crazy concession items and lots of them will circulate photos of the more gonzo ones in the coming week leading up to the baseball season. The Braves, however, have been one of the more aggressive players in the gimmick concession item game in recent years, and they just sent around a release talking about some of the stuff they, and their concessionaire, Delaware North, will be serving at their new ballpark, Sun Trust Park, in 2017.

Among them:a blackened catfish po boy, which is a blackened 6-ounce filet of catfish cut up among three tacos, with a cajun remoulade. Some BBQ beef brisket sliders. A double burger. An ice cream bar. They’re also going to have a regionally-inspired thing called “The Taste of Braves Country,” showcasing southern cooking from Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi and Alabama. Which they’re calling “Braves Country.” Accurate enough, I guess, even if some of us are old enough to remember when they aspired to be a national team. Alas.

The big item, though, is this one:

It’s called the “Tomahawk Chop” sandwich. It’s a fried pork chop with collard green slaw and white BBQ sauce. It serves four and costs $26. I’m guessing it tastes fantastic, but I think the name is pretty cringeworthy for the same reason the cheer which gives it its name is. And, given the dynamics of the Braves move to their new stadium, the choice of BBQ sauce is . . . amusing? I dunno.

Anyway, enjoy, Braves fans.

Max Scherzer will not be ready for Opening Day

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Ten days ago Nationals ace Max Scherzer said he’d be ready for the start of the regular season. “I’m gonna do it,” Scherzer said.

[Ron Howard from “Arrested Development” voice] — No, he’s not:

Nationals manager Dusty Baker said that Max Scherzer is not on track to be the team’s opening day starter, and will most likely open the season as the third pitcher in the rotation.

He’s still projected to make it to the opening rotation, taking the hill, most likely, on Thursday April 6 against the Marlins. At least if the schedule doesn’t slip any more.

Scherzer, as you probably know, has a stress fracture in the knuckle of his right ring finger, which has messed with his preparation and has caused him to alter his grip a bit. As of now Stephen Strasburg will get the Opening Day nod.