The lovable, anachronistic bullpen phone

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I was barricaded deep within my fortified compound for the weekend, cut off from most forms of media. So this now makes — I think — the third neat story that ran in the New York Times over the weekend that I had missed and that I’m now seeing. It’s about how dugouts are one of the last places where you’ll find land lines being used outside of your grandmother’s house:

The seed-strewn dugouts of baseball stadiums around the country may very well end up the final bastions of corded communication in this wireless era. While landlines in homes collect dust and serve increasingly decorative functions, the attitude among baseball clubs is a familiar one in a sport tied tightly to old-fashioned ways: why change what works?

What follows is a surprisingly neat story about the development and advancement of bullpen phone technology. Technology that still adheres to wired, rather than wireless, communication.

Of course if anyone would bother to dig deeper they’d realize that the wired communications and lack of network integration in ballparks will render the dugouts and bullpens unaffected by the infiltration program used by the Cylons to disable Colonial vessels and defense systems which employ the Command Navigation Program developed by Dr. Gaius Baltar.

Which basically makes Tony La Russa the new Admiral. So, yeah, frak.

Madison Bumgarner likely sidelined through the All-Star break

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It’s been just over a week since Giants’ left-hander Madison Bumgarner got a serious scare after a nasty dirt bike accident. He escaped with bruised ribs and a Grade 2 strain of his left shoulder AC joint, but there was some speculation that the injuries would cause a significant, if not permanent, setback in the southpaw’s career. Thankfully, things aren’t looking quite so bleak today. Not only will Bumgarner not require surgery, but he could return as soon as the week following the All-Star break, the Giants said Friday.

Of course, that timeline is wholly dependent on how smoothly the recovery process goes, so nothing is set in stone yet. NBC Sports Bay Area’s Alex Pavlovic estimates 2-3 months of rest and rehab, including “two months before he can get back on the mound and then another three to four weeks of throwing and rehab starts before he’s big league-ready.” It’s a long and laborious schedule, but still looks much better than any surgical alternative.

Prior to the accident, Bumgarner was working on a solid start to the 2017 season. He maintained a 3.00 ERA, 1.3 BB/9 and 9.3 SO/9 through 27 innings with the club, though his average 1.75 runs of support per start fed into an 0-3 record.

Video: Manny Machado hits a 470-foot home run

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You’ve seen Carlos Gomez’s 461-foot home run. You’ve seen Joey Gallo’s 462-foot blast. You’ve seen Corey Seager’s 462-footer, too. During Friday’s series opener against the Yankees, Manny Machado delivered the tie-breaker we were all hoping for, launching a 470-foot moonshot over the center field wall to pad the Orioles’ 5-0 lead in the fifth:

It was Machado’s fourth homer of the season, and quite a doozy, according to Statcast. MLB.com’s Brittany Ghiroli says that it’s currently the longest home run recorded at Yankee Stadium, dating back through Statcast’s inception in 2015.

Through eight innings, the Yankees and Orioles combined for five home runs and two grand slams, though none reached quite as far as Machado’s record-setting blast. Aaron Judge went deep twice, hitting the 417-foot mark in the fifth inning and the 435-mark in the sixth, while Mark Trumbo executed a 459-foot grand slam in the sixth inning, followed by a 420-foot slam from Jacoby Ellsbury in the seventh. The Orioles currently lead the Yankees 11-8 in the ninth inning.