The lovable, anachronistic bullpen phone

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I was barricaded deep within my fortified compound for the weekend, cut off from most forms of media. So this now makes — I think — the third neat story that ran in the New York Times over the weekend that I had missed and that I’m now seeing. It’s about how dugouts are one of the last places where you’ll find land lines being used outside of your grandmother’s house:

The seed-strewn dugouts of baseball stadiums around the country may very well end up the final bastions of corded communication in this wireless era. While landlines in homes collect dust and serve increasingly decorative functions, the attitude among baseball clubs is a familiar one in a sport tied tightly to old-fashioned ways: why change what works?

What follows is a surprisingly neat story about the development and advancement of bullpen phone technology. Technology that still adheres to wired, rather than wireless, communication.

Of course if anyone would bother to dig deeper they’d realize that the wired communications and lack of network integration in ballparks will render the dugouts and bullpens unaffected by the infiltration program used by the Cylons to disable Colonial vessels and defense systems which employ the Command Navigation Program developed by Dr. Gaius Baltar.

Which basically makes Tony La Russa the new Admiral. So, yeah, frak.

Six-year old boy reports the Indians want to give Francisco Lindor a seven-year contract

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The substance of the report is not shocking. Francisco Lindor is one of baseball’s brightest young stars and the Cleveland Indians would, no doubt, wish to lock him up for an extended period of time. The surprising part is the guy who reported that, yes, the Indians are working to get Lindor a seven-year extension.

That guy: six-year-old Brody Chernoff, son of Indians general manager Mike Chernoff. Brody was invited into the team’s broadcast booth during the ninth inning of their game against the Chicago White Sox. Indians announcer Tom Hamilton asked, no doubt jokingly, if his working on anything interesting. Brody:

“He’s trying to get, um, Lindor to play for seven more years,”

Again, not shocking. It would’ve been way worse if Brody had said “Dad’s working on a three-way deal that’ll send Naquin to an NL team in order to affect a three-way trade that’ll land us Verlander without having to deal directly with a divisional rival.” But I imagine Dad still would’ve preferred he not mention that.

Watch:

Braves sign David Hernandez

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Bill Whitehead of the Atlanta Journal Constitution reports that the Braves have signed reliever David Hernandez to a minor league contract on Sunday. He’ll report to spring training as a non-roster invitee.

Hernandez, who turns 32 years old in May, signed a minor league contract with the Giants in February. He requested and was granted his release on Friday when he learned he wasn’t making the team’s 25-man roster to open the season.

Hernandez pitched for the Phillies last year. He compiled a 3.84 ERA with an 80/32 K/BB ratio in 72 2/3 innings.