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Ozzie Guillen said some Ozzie Guillen-type things in Esquire

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Esquire magazine has a regular feature called “What I’ve Learned” in which they ask people for words of wisdom and their latest subject is White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen, who predictably provided plenty of amusing quotes.

For instance, about his wife:

What attracted me to my wife is she’s hot. She’s also nice, she’s a great mom — but that comes after she’s hot.

I tell my kids all the time: When you’re about to do something stupid, think about your mom. Why? Because she’s the one that’s gonna suffer inside.

Or about ESPN Chicago beat reporter Doug Padilla:

We had this media guy, Padilla. He was eating a cheeseburger during the game. I saw him while I was managing. I grabbed the phone, called the PR department, and said, “Doug, you’re gonna choke on that f***ing cheeseburger.” Then I hung up. People wonder, How the f*** did you see him? But I see everything.

And my personal favorite:

A lot of people think I dye my hair. No, I don’t give a f***.

He’s the best.

Tim Tebow’s workout seems like fun

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Tim Tebow is, as we speak, working out for some 40 scouts from 20 organizations and an untold number of members of the media. So far he has run and jumped and thrown and, in a moment or two, will take his hacks. First BP swings, then live, full-speed BP off of a couple of former major leaguers.

His 60 yard dash time was supposedly excellent. On the 80-20 scouting scale he’s supposedly in the 50-60 range, according to people tweeting about it who know what they’re talking about. The guy is certainly big and strong and in amazing shape and that’s not nothing.

Also this:

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That’s from MLB’s Twitter, which provides us with some more in-action shots.

 

Here he is playing right field out there in the distance someplace:

Good luck, kid.

Adrian Beltre puts his helmet on backwards to face a switch pitcher

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“A” switch pitcher is probably not the most accurate way to put that. It’s more like “The” switch pitcher, as Pat Venditte of the Mariners is the only one extant.

Last night the right-handed hitting Adrian Beltre had to face Venditte, who obviously chose to pitch righty to the Rangers third baseman. Before coming up to the plate, Beltre jokingly donned his helmet backwards and pretended that he’d hit left-handed:

 

He needn’t have bothered. Beltre doubled to left field off of Venditte, showing that at some point, platoon splits really don’t matter.