Ozzie Guillen said some Ozzie Guillen-type things in Esquire

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Esquire magazine has a regular feature called “What I’ve Learned” in which they ask people for words of wisdom and their latest subject is White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen, who predictably provided plenty of amusing quotes.

For instance, about his wife:

What attracted me to my wife is she’s hot. She’s also nice, she’s a great mom — but that comes after she’s hot.

I tell my kids all the time: When you’re about to do something stupid, think about your mom. Why? Because she’s the one that’s gonna suffer inside.

Or about ESPN Chicago beat reporter Doug Padilla:

We had this media guy, Padilla. He was eating a cheeseburger during the game. I saw him while I was managing. I grabbed the phone, called the PR department, and said, “Doug, you’re gonna choke on that f***ing cheeseburger.” Then I hung up. People wonder, How the f*** did you see him? But I see everything.

And my personal favorite:

A lot of people think I dye my hair. No, I don’t give a f***.

He’s the best.

Troy Tulowitzki poses as a pitcher on photo day

Tom Szczerbowski/Getty Images
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Update: The photographer was apparently in on the action, according to Topps. Still pretty funny. (Hat tip: Mike Ashmore)

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Thursday marked photo day for the Blue Jays. There are always some oddities, usually when the players create fun for themselves. This time, the fun happened when a photographer mistook shortstop Troy Tulowitzki for a pitcher. Tulowitzki rolled with it and followed the photographer’s instructions to pose like a pitcher.

Hazel Mae has the hilarious video:

Hitters, of course, typically pose with a bat over their shoulder. Pitchers typically have their hand in their glove, sometimes leaning forward as if receiving the signs from their catcher.

Tulowitzki has exclusively played shortstop during his 12-year career in the majors, but perhaps one day he’ll step on the mound and be able to call himself a pitcher.