Awful humanity ruins Bernie Brewer promotion

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Sometimes I hate people. People and their grubby-ape fascination with baubles, tchotchkes, gewgaws, trinkets and kitsch, replacing the old ape instincts of hording fruit stores or whatever the hell else we did when we weren’t beating each other senseless with animal bones in front of monoliths:

The Milwaukee Brewers were hoping for an enthusiastic response to their “Where’s Bernie?” promotional program. They weren’t expecting fan stakeouts, Internet auctions and isolated reports of lawn-ornament hoarding. Brewers spokesman Tyler Barnes said fan response to Tuesday morning’s scavenger hunt-style promotion was “staggering,” though team officials were disappointed that some fans didn’t play by the rules.

It didn’t take long before social networking websites were buzzing with complaints about some fans staking out workers who were stashing the statues well before sunrise, then snapping up armfuls of ornaments as soon as they were hidden.

Take one. And be happy for what it is, not for what you can get for it or for the fact that you and your stinkin’ paws can get so damn many.

This is why we can’t have nice things, people.

Yankees’ offense wakes up, leads way to 8-1 win vs. Astros in ALCS Game 3

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The Yankees’ offense finally woke up, scoring eight runs in Game 3 of the ALCS on Monday night while the pitching kept the Astros’ offense at bay. That came after scoring a total of two runs against Astros pitching in the first two games. For a recap of the Yankees’ scoring in Game 3, click here.

CC Sabathia wasn’t dominant, but he executed pitches when he needed to most, preventing the Astros from capitalizing on their opportunities. Overall, he gave up three hits and four walks while striking out five on 99 pitches. He’s the first pitcher, age 37 or older, to throw six shutout innings in the postseason since Pedro Martinez for the Phillies against the Dodgers in Game 2 of the 2009 NLCS. Monday’s start also marked Sabathia’s first career scoreless outing in the postseason — it was his 22nd postseason appearance.

Astros starter Charlie Morton couldn’t escape the fourth inning, when he allowed a run and loaded the bases before departing. Will Harris allowed all three inherited runners to score on Aaron Judge‘s three-run home run to left field. Morton was ultimately charged with seven runs on six hits, two walks, and a hit batsman with three strikeouts in 3 2/3 innings.

The Yankees’ bullpen held the fort after the sixth. Adam Warren worked a scoreless seventh. Warren returned in the eighth and retired the side in order, despite yielding a pair of well-struck balls to deep center field.

In the ninth, Dellin Betances walked both hitters he faced to start the frame. Unsurprisingly, manager Joe Girardi had a short leash and brought in Tommy Kahnle. Kahnle gave up a single to Cameron Maybin then struck out George Springer, but walked Alex Bregman to force in a run. Kahnle got Jose Altuve to ground into a 4-3 double play to end the game in an 8-1 victory, giving the Yankees their first win of the series.

The ALCS continues on Tuesday at 5 PM ET. The Astros will start Lance McCullers and the Yankees will send Sonny Gray to the hill.