Lohse as La Russa2

Tony La Russa employs political decoys

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Strong leaders have used political decoys for centuries. While primarily a security tool/assassination defense, political decoys can be an effective means of political control as well.

Indeed, if prudently deployed, they can make the leader appear more robust and active than he otherwise is, showing up on battle lines, shaking his fist defiantly at those accursed rebel fighters in the morning and appearing at the unveiling of the 50-foot statue in his likeness at the central square of the capital city that same afternoon (with statue portraying the leader shaking his fist defiantly at those accursed rebel fighters).

It’s really a fascinating concept, even if it’s one that I was wholly unaware of until the highly underrated movie “Moon over Parador” was released in 1988.

In related news, Tony La Russa is a strong leader who, at present, is somewhat incapacitated. Taking a page from the book of Manuel Noriega, Raoul Cédras, Enver Hoxha, Fidel Castro, Saddam Hussein and Kevin Kline in the movie “Dave,” La Russa employed a decoy at the exchange of lineup cards before this afternoon’s Cubs-Cardinals game.

While the information is highly classified, our spies tell us that the decoy is actually Kyle Lohse in a wig.  Which, if it wasn’t evident from the pic to the upper right — a screencap posted to Twitter by @sportshuman — is clearly evident based on the tattoos in the pic below, posted to Twitter by our own Drew Sliva:

Get well soon, Dear Leader!

UPDATE:  And now video!

Johnny Monell signs with KBO’s KT Wiz

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - JULY 06:  Johnny Monell #19 of the New York Mets runs back to the dugout after he scored in the ninth inning against the San Francisco Giants at AT&T Park on July 6, 2015 in San Francisco, California.  (Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images)
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Former Mets catcher Johnny Monell signed a contract with the KT Wiz of the Korea Baseball Organization, per a report by Chris Cotillo of SB Nation. The 30-year-old originally struck a deal with the NC Dinos on Thursday, but the deal appeared to fall through at the last minute, according to Cotillo’s unnamed source.

Monell last surfaced for the Mets during their 2015 run, batting a dismal .167/.231/.208 with two extra bases in 52 PA before the club DFA’d him to clear space for Bartolo Colon. While he’s had difficulty sticking at the major league level, he’s found a higher degree of success in the minor league circuit and holds a career .271 average over a decade of minor league play. He played exclusively in Triple-A Las Vegas during the 2016 season, slashing .276/.336/.470 with 19 home runs and a career-high 75 RBI in 461 PA.

The veteran backstop appears to be the second MLB player to join the KT Wiz roster this offseason, as right-hander Donn Roach also signed with the club last month on a one-year, $850,000 deal.

Phil Bickford suspended 50 games for drug of abuse

SAN DIEGO, CA - JULY 10:  Phil Bickford of the U.S. Team pitches during the SiriusXM All-Star Futures Game at PETCO Park on July 10, 2016 in San Diego, California.  (Photo by Sean M. Haffey/Getty Images)
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Brewers’ right-hander Phil Bickford received a 50-game suspension after testing positive for a drug of abuse, per the Los Angeles Times’ Bill Shaikin. This is the second time Bickford has been suspended for recreational drug use, as he was previously penalized in 2015 after testing positive for marijuana prior to the amateur draft.

Bickford was selected by the Giants in the first round of the 2015 draft and was later dealt to the Brewers for lefty reliever Will Smith at the 2016 trade deadline. He finished his 2016 campaign in High-A Brevard County, pitching to a 3.67 ERA, 10.0 K/9 rate and 5.0 BB/9 over 27 innings.

Two other suspensions were handed down on Friday, one to Toronto minor league right-hander Pedro Loficial for a positive test for metabolites of Stanozolol and one to Miami minor league outfielder Casey Soltis for a second positive test for drugs of abuse. Loficial will serve a 72-game suspension, while Soltis will serve 50 games. All three suspensions are due to start at the beginning of the 2017 season for each respective minor league team.

Brewers’ GM David Stearns issued a statement after the Commissioner’s Office announced Bickford’s suspension (via Vince Lara-Cinisomo of Baseball America):

We are very disappointed to learn of Phil’s suspension, but we fully support the Minor League Baseball Drug Prevention and Testing Program and its enforcement by the Commissioner’s Office. Phil understands he made a mistake, and we fully anticipate that he will learn from this experience.