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Lenny Dykstra claims he has been tortured, abused and otherwise done wrong

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The New York Post, abdicating most of whatever residual claim it had to being a news outlet as opposed to an entertainment outlet, decided to give recently-indicted sad sack Lenny Dykstra a column today.  You will not be at all surprised to learn that it contains all of the usual cliches one hears from recently-indicted sad sacks who feel it necessary to go on a P.R. blitz:

  • The delusion that his current struggles are part of some divine plan rather than his own greed and mendacity;
  • The claim that the U.S. Attorney and the FBI are out to get him; and
  • The claim that his indictment is a wonderful thing because now it allows him to tell his story;

Maybe God does have plans for people. Yes, the U.S. Attorney and the FBI do sometimes go after people. Yes, sometimes the innocent truly are set free because they finally are given a voice in a court of law.  I just kind of doubt that any of these are the case with Lenny Dykstra.

Less humorously, Dykstra claims that he has been tortured — yes, he actually uses that term — and says that he was “physically and mentally assaulted” in police custody. Which is an insult to the very real victims of very real torture and police brutality here and elsewhere.  Torture victims don’t write op-eds in the New York Post joking about their exploits in Shea Stadium and parsing the nature of grand theft auto based on the fact that the car involved “was only a Ford Flex.”  If you were truly tortured, Dykstra, get a lawyer, register a complaint with the proper authorities and do your best to endure until your nightmare is over.  Don’t pound your chest in the pages of the Post.

All of that said, I actually agree with Dykstra on one point. It’s when he says “I did not get stupid overnight.”  No Lenny, you didn’t. Because that implies that there has been some sort of change in this particular metric, and of that I see no evidence whatsoever.

Jeff Locke signed by the Marlins

LOS ANGELES, CA - AUGUST 13: Relief pitcher Jeff Locke #49 of the Pittsburgh Pirates throws against the Los Angeles Dodgers during the eighth inning of the baseball game at Dodger Stadium Stadium August 13, 2016, in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images)
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Ken Rosenthal reports that the Marlins have signed lefty Jeff Locke. Terms have yet to be disclosed.

Locke was non-tendered by the Pirates last week after putting up a 5.44 ERA over 127.3 innings in 2016. He’s just 29 and, even if he’s never been super great or anything, he has pitched better in the past, posting a career 4.16 ERA before last season.

Quote of the Day: Kevin Cash gets a dig in on Chris Sale’s jersey-shredding ways

ST. PETERSBURG, FL - SEPTEMBER 21:  Manager Kevin Cash of the Tampa Bay Rays smiles as players on his bench celebrates a home run during the third inning of their game against the New York Yankees at Tropicana Field on September 21, 2016 in Tampa, Florida. (Photo by Joseph Garnett Jr. /Getty Images)
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OXON HILL, MD — Rays manager Kevin Cash got a good dig in on the Red Sox’ newest pitcher this morning.

Sale, as you likely remember, made headlines in July when he was suspended for five games and fined after shredding the White Sox’ 1977 throwback jerseys with a razor blade because he thought they were uncomfortable and didn’t want to wear them. The uniforms Sale destroyed cost the club $12,000.

Sale is with the Red Sox now, of course, and as a new division rival, Cash was asked to comment on Boston’s acquisition of the lefty. Here’s what he said:

Q. What was your first reaction yesterday when you saw or heard what Boston did?

CASH: No, it helped — our marketing department can now figure out when to do throwback jersey day, so we’re good.

Sick burn.