And That Happened: Sunday’s scores and highlights

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Yankees 12, Rangers 5:  We read a lot of “Derek Jeter is done” commentary last week. Well, whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that Jeter was only mostly dead. And there’s a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Two homers for The Captain.  As for the game overall, I’ll quote Jay Jaffe, who said it best on Twitter late yesterday afternoon: “This Yankees-Rangers game is so ugly they should shave its ass and teach it to walk backwards.”

Braves 5, Phillies 2: Jair Jurrjens continues to impress, allowing one run on eight hits in six and a third. The long ball did Philly in, with Cole Hamels giving up dingers to Alex Gonzalez and Freddie Freeman and Michael Stutes allowing a two-run job to Eric Hinske.  The Braves take two of three from the Philly in Citizens Bank Park. This has apparently frightened and confused these two gentlemen, respectively.

Marlins 8, Nationals 0: Anibal Sanchez lost a no-hitter in the seventh, but it was probably for the best given that he took 117 pitches to finish those seven innings. No savvy manager would have let him go the distance at those rates and then we’d either end up talking about how Edwin Rodriguez abused Sanchez or how heartless Edwin Rodriguez was to deprive everyone of a possible no-hitter had he yanked Sanchez. Personally, everyone should be happy with a two-hit, 11K, no runs performance. Well, everyone except Nats fans, but they’re used to disappointment by now.

Angels 6, Indians 5: Mike Scioscia’s 1000th career win.  In the game story afterward, this quote appeared: “‘I’m glad to be a part of such a special occasion for Sosh,’ Hunter said.”  I would have bet my life that you spelled that “Scioc.” Or, in a tip o’ the cap to “The Outsiders,” “Soc.”

Dodgers 4, Mets 2: Andre Ethier has a one-game hitting streak (2 for 4, HR, 2 RBI).

Rays 5, Orioles 3: B.J. Upton made a wise choice to appeal his two-game suspension, because he absolutely destroyed Orioles pitching in this series, going 7 for 14 with eight RBI.

Pirates 5, Astros 4: Both bullpens blew late leads, but Houston’s did it last. Ryan Doumit with the three-run homer in the eighth. Pittsburgh is at .500, y’all.

Red Sox 9, Twins 5: It looked like it was going to be a classic Daisuke Matsuzaka outing after the first inning, in which he gave up three runs on approximately 2,430 pitches. But he settled down and went six serviceable innings. Which was more than enough with Carl Pavano dropping the stank on the other side (5 IP, 10 H, 7 ER).

Giants 3, Rockies 0: The Giants have just owned the Rockies lately, winning nine of eleven and sweeping this series. All three of San Francisco’s runs were driven in by Cody Ross.

Padres 4, Diamondbacks 3: Four first inning runs for the Padres had to make Aaron Harang and the rest of the staff feel like they were staked to 100.

White Sox 5, Mariners 2: The White Sox manage their first series win in a month, taking two of three from the M’s. Paul Konerko had five hits. Not bad for a guy who left Saturday’s game with a sore hand.

Reds 2, Cubs 0: The return of Homer Bailey last week and Johnny Cueto’s sharp season debut yesterday (6 IP, 5 H, 0 ER)  have to be a big shot in the arm for a struggling Reds’ rotation.

Cardinals 3, Brewers 1: Beer Bowl. Kyle McClellan took a shutout into the ninth, watched as Eduardo Sanchez allowed an inherited runner to score and put a couple more of his own on base, but snagged his fifth win anyway.

Athletics 5, Royals 2: You can watch baseball games for 30+ years and yet you can still see stuff you’ve never seen before. Like this play by Tyson Ross.

Tigers 5, Blues Jays 2: Austin Jackson hit a tie-breaking two-run homer in the seventh to continue what has been a pretty nice hot streak for him, hitting .368 over his last ten games.

Braves sign David Hernandez

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Bill Whitehead of the Atlanta Journal Constitution reports that the Braves have signed reliever David Hernandez to a minor league contract on Sunday. He’ll report to spring training as a non-roster invitee.

Hernandez, who turns 32 years old in May, signed a minor league contract with the Giants in February. He requested and was granted his release on Friday when he learned he wasn’t making the team’s 25-man roster to open the season.

Hernandez pitched for the Phillies last year. He compiled a 3.84 ERA with an 80/32 K/BB ratio in 72 2/3 innings.

Dave Roberts: It “doesn’t make sense” for Scott Kazmir to start year in Dodgers’ rotation

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Scott Kazmir won’t begin the regular season in the Dodgers’ starting rotation. Manager Dave Roberts said after Kazmir’s Cactus League outing on Sunday that it “doesn’t make sense” for the ailing Kazmir to break camp in the rotation, Andy McCullough of the Los Angeles Times reports. The lefty will instead rehab some more and join the rotation at a later time.

Kazmir has been battling a hip issue which has caused his mechanics to suffer. He was clocked in the low 80’s 10 days ago and wasn’t much better on Sunday afternoon.

Last season with the Dodgers, Kazmir posted a 4.56 ERA with a 134/52 K/BB ratio in 136 1/3 innings, his worst numbers since returning to the majors in 2013.