Did you know that Prince Fielder has a “square body type?”

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Scott Boras is the best.

If you give him lemons, he won’t be content to make lemonade, he’ll make a lemon curd white chocolate cheesecake. If he represented a pitcher with no arms and no legs he’d talk about how the guy should get big money because he’ll never tear a ligament. If Stephen Hawking wanted to play baseball, Boras would argue that his mental toughness compensates for his lack of foot speed and he wouldn’t be afraid to make vague-yet-complimentary allusions to Lou Gehrig to boot.

Put simply, the man is an artist.

So it should be no surprise that Boras is over six months ahead of the game in selling Prince Fielder to the free agent pursuing public. Ken Rosenthal reports:

“Prince is a remarkable athlete,” Boras says. “He has size, speed and strength. In football, his comp is Warren Sapp.

“It is rare that a strong, square body type has such flexibility, dexterity and athleticism. Among power-hitting first basemen his foot speed and agility is supreme and without knowing first-hand, he is most likely the better candidate (than Sapp) for ‘Dancing With the Stars.’”

I would be curious to see the ratio of articles about Prince Fielder referring to him as “square” as opposed to other geometric shapes.

But really, I don’t think I can disagree with any of that. Fielder does look athletic out there. He is faster than he should be. It’s so easy to get hung up on his frame and actually miss the fact that he’s a better athlete than a lot of ballplayers. Not just a better ballplayer — he clearly is one of the best — but a better athlete. Honestly: on a purely athletic basis, isn’t Fielder a better bet than Adam LaRoche? I think so.

I agree with the way Rosenthal puts it in the article: Fielder is going to be one of the most interesting free agents of all time.  He is once again knocking the cover off the ball. Meanwhile, Albert Pujols is struggling and now hurt.  None of which makes Fielder the better player right now — he isn’t — but he may be the better free agent bet.

And Boras may not to have to even break a sweat making the sales pitch.

Imagining Theo Epstein in politics

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“When Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept for there were no more worlds to conquer.”

Or: “When Theo Epstein won World Series championships with the two most championship-starved franchises in baseball history, he got bored, and decided to run for the Senate or something.”

That latter bit is the premise of a Politico piece speculating that the Cubs president could go into politics one day. The story features an interview with former Obama chief strategist David Axlerod, who thinks Theo has what it takes. Mostly what he has is fame, popularity, good looks and money. No idea what his positions on issue are, but that other stuff goes a long way in politics these days.

Bonus: given what we just elected last fall, a guy who once had a little temper tantrum and dressed up in a gorilla suit is just as viable a candidate as anyone.

Another interestingly named player is promoted by the Pirates

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When you promote a player from the minors, the first and foremost consideration is whether or not he can help your ball club. But, assuming that’s taken care of, teams should really, really make it a priority to call up dudes with cool sounding names because it makes life more interesting for the rest of us.

The Pirates are doing that. The other night Dovydas Neverauskas made his big league debut. In addition to being the first Lithuanian born-and-raised player in major league history, it’s a solid, solid name. Now the Pirates are making another promotion: Gift Ngoepe.

Yep, Gift Ngoepe. He’s an infielder from South Africa, making the leap to the bigs due to David Freese‘s hamstring injury. Ngoepe, 27, was batting just .241/.308/.379 through 66 plate appearances this season with Triple-A Indianapolis, his ninth in the minors, so he’s not exactly a prospect. But man, that’s a killer name.

It’s also worth mentioning that Gift and Neverauskas were arrested together in a bar fight last August in Toledo, so there is already a good basis for some bonding here.

Good luck, Gift. Gift Ngoepe. Mr. Ngoepe. G-Ngo. Man, I could do this all day.