People asked me questions on Twitter. So I shall answer them.

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As you may have seen on HBT Daily, I asked people on Twitter for questions they’d like to have answered. I got way more than the handful I answered on the video, however, and I hate to have them go to waste, so let’s clean out the inbox, shall we?  And remember, these are actual questions from actual readers. If they weren’t, David Letterman couldn’t wiggle those blue cards of his:

Q: Would you rather sit on the Supreme Court or run the Braves?

The Supreme Court. Because I’m too afraid to negotiate with Jason Heyward. He can’t be bargained with. Can’t be reasoned with …

Q: Who is you favorite Met?

Mookie Wilson.

Q: If you were commish for day and were tasked with creating competitive balance, what would you change?

I’d impose a more equitable share of local TV money, realign into two leagues with no divisions, impose a perfectly balanced schedule and have the top four (or six or whatever people agree on) make the playoffs. I don’t know if that would work, but it would please me.

Q: Macaroni or spaghetti? Burgers or hotdogs? Sex or baseball? Vanilla or chocolate? Marijuana or heroin? Superman or Batman?

Spaghetti, burgers, sex, chocolate, I’m a clean cut American man who gets high on life, and Batman.  Like there was any question about Batman.

Q: Jersey Shore, America? Really?

I know.

Q: Is this the worst thing written on Manny yet? It must be close.

It’s bad, but I’m waiting for Manny’s Hall of Fame eligibility to come up. I think we’ll be into “Manny committed war crimes” territory then.

Q: If you could have dinner with one famous cartoon character, who would it be?

Bugs Bunny when he was dressed up like the girl bunny. Wait. I said that in my out loud voice, didn’t I.

Q: Year the cubs win the WS? against who?

2015. Starlin Castro wins the MVP.  They beat the Royals. The networks vow to fix things going forward so no Midwest team ever reaches the World Series again.

Q: Can you tell me why an error can’t be charged on a sure double play that is missed?

As the old saying goes, “to ASSUME the double play makes an ASS out of U and the second baseman who got weak in the knees when the runner from first was barreling down on him when he made the throw.”

Q: Team the mets will get their first no-no against?

The Mars Marauders, following the expansion.

Q: More likely to be remembered forever: Buckner or Dent?

Buckner, because the F-word will be outlawed in the year 2124, thereby eliminating the device by which most people remember Dent’s name.

Q: Do you like your grits regular, creamy or al dente?

Regular. And I prefer home fries.

Q: Why would he kill the sheriff but leave the deputy unharmed?

Hey, the deputy never hated him. Actually helped him out in his garden.  Besides, it wasn’t totally planned. Reflexes got the best of him.

Q: What if god was one of us? Just a stranger on the bus…

You sayin’ God is just a stranger on the bus? A slob like one of us?  Them’s fightin’ words! And speaking of blasphemy:

Q: Is Sam Fuld the new Jesus?

No.  But I will say this much: Like Jesus, by the age of 33, Fuld will have moved on to a different career.

Q: What blogger can you totally dominate in the octagon?

Neyer.  I consider him my primary mentor in this business, and everyone knows that one day the student must rise up and do battle with his own sensei. But even as I stand over his lifeless form, I will proclaim that I am not his equal and demand that you bury him with honor. Then I shall walk into the distance to the sound of a lonely pan flute.

And … scene.

Umpire admits he blew the call that got Joe Maddon ejected last night

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Last night in the top of the eighth inning of the Dodgers-Cubs game, Curtis Granderson struck out. Or, at the very least, he should’ve. After the game, the umpire who said he didn’t admitted he screwed up.

While trying to squelch a Dodgers comeback, Wade Davis got Granderson into a 2-2 count. Davis threw his pitch, Granderson whiffed on it, it hit the dirt, and Willson Contreras applied the tag for the out. End of the inning, right? Wrong: Granderson argued to home plate umpire Jim Wolf that he made slight contact with the ball, Wolf, after conferring with the other umps agreed, and Granderson lived to see another pitch.

Before he’d see that pitch, Joe Maddon came out to argue the call and got so agitated about it all he was ejected for the second time in this series. He was right to argue:

It all ended up not mattering, of course, because Granderson struck out eventually anyway.

Normally such things end there, but after the game a reporter got to Wolf and Wolf did something umpires don’t often do: he admitted he blew the call:

It’s good that the bad call ended up not affecting anything. But the part of me who likes to stir up crap and watch chaos rule in baseball really kinda wishes that Granderson had hit a series-clinching homer right after that. At least as long as it didn’t result in Cubs fans burning Chicago to the ground.