The Question

People asked me questions on Twitter. So I shall answer them.

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As you may have seen on HBT Daily, I asked people on Twitter for questions they’d like to have answered. I got way more than the handful I answered on the video, however, and I hate to have them go to waste, so let’s clean out the inbox, shall we?  And remember, these are actual questions from actual readers. If they weren’t, David Letterman couldn’t wiggle those blue cards of his:

Q: Would you rather sit on the Supreme Court or run the Braves?

The Supreme Court. Because I’m too afraid to negotiate with Jason Heyward. He can’t be bargained with. Can’t be reasoned with …

Q: Who is you favorite Met?

Mookie Wilson.

Q: If you were commish for day and were tasked with creating competitive balance, what would you change?

I’d impose a more equitable share of local TV money, realign into two leagues with no divisions, impose a perfectly balanced schedule and have the top four (or six or whatever people agree on) make the playoffs. I don’t know if that would work, but it would please me.

Q: Macaroni or spaghetti? Burgers or hotdogs? Sex or baseball? Vanilla or chocolate? Marijuana or heroin? Superman or Batman?

Spaghetti, burgers, sex, chocolate, I’m a clean cut American man who gets high on life, and Batman.  Like there was any question about Batman.

Q: Jersey Shore, America? Really?

I know.

Q: Is this the worst thing written on Manny yet? It must be close.

It’s bad, but I’m waiting for Manny’s Hall of Fame eligibility to come up. I think we’ll be into “Manny committed war crimes” territory then.

Q: If you could have dinner with one famous cartoon character, who would it be?

Bugs Bunny when he was dressed up like the girl bunny. Wait. I said that in my out loud voice, didn’t I.

Q: Year the cubs win the WS? against who?

2015. Starlin Castro wins the MVP.  They beat the Royals. The networks vow to fix things going forward so no Midwest team ever reaches the World Series again.

Q: Can you tell me why an error can’t be charged on a sure double play that is missed?

As the old saying goes, “to ASSUME the double play makes an ASS out of U and the second baseman who got weak in the knees when the runner from first was barreling down on him when he made the throw.”

Q: Team the mets will get their first no-no against?

The Mars Marauders, following the expansion.

Q: More likely to be remembered forever: Buckner or Dent?

Buckner, because the F-word will be outlawed in the year 2124, thereby eliminating the device by which most people remember Dent’s name.

Q: Do you like your grits regular, creamy or al dente?

Regular. And I prefer home fries.

Q: Why would he kill the sheriff but leave the deputy unharmed?

Hey, the deputy never hated him. Actually helped him out in his garden.  Besides, it wasn’t totally planned. Reflexes got the best of him.

Q: What if god was one of us? Just a stranger on the bus…

You sayin’ God is just a stranger on the bus? A slob like one of us?  Them’s fightin’ words! And speaking of blasphemy:

Q: Is Sam Fuld the new Jesus?

No.  But I will say this much: Like Jesus, by the age of 33, Fuld will have moved on to a different career.

Q: What blogger can you totally dominate in the octagon?

Neyer.  I consider him my primary mentor in this business, and everyone knows that one day the student must rise up and do battle with his own sensei. But even as I stand over his lifeless form, I will proclaim that I am not his equal and demand that you bury him with honor. Then I shall walk into the distance to the sound of a lonely pan flute.

And … scene.

Video: Undercover David Ortiz drives a Lyft in Boston

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David Ortiz did one of those “Undercover Lyft” spots for, well, Lyft, in which famous people disguise themselves while driving passengers around. Yes, they’re ads, but they’re still pretty funny. At least this one was.

Best parts: (1) the woman who says she has two David Ortiz shirts to which Undercover Ortiz responds, “actually, all my shirts are his shirts”; and (2) when Ortiz agrees with someone that baseball games are “so loooong.” Oh, and at one point he tells a woman who said she was going to the Red Sox game that night that he was too. After he unmasked himself, she explains his own joke to him. Which, ooohhkay.

In other news, people who take Lyfts in Boston either don’t watch much baseball, because Ortiz’s costume is NOT very concealing, or else they simply don’t look at their Lyft driver while in the car, at all.

Scouting in Venezuela: “Someone is going to get killed. It’s just a matter of time”

MIAMI - MARCH 14:  Venezuela fans cheer with a country flag while taking on the Netherlands during round 2 of the World Baseball Classic at Dolphin Stadium on March 14, 2009 in Miami, Florida.  (Photo by Doug Benc/Getty Images)
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Ben Badler of Baseball America has a story about how major league scouts who cover Venezuela are unhappy with the rules imposed upon them by the league. Rules, they say, which unreasonably prohibit them from scouting Venezuelan players in centralized, team-controlled locations or, alternatively, flying them to team facilities in the Dominican Republic or elsewhere.

The result: international scouts are forced to travel all over Venezuela to evaluate prospect. And, given how destabilized and dangerous Venezuela has become, they believe their safety is at risk:

“MLB’s rules that limit our ability to travel a Venezuelan guy to the Dominican Republic, that limit our ability to get them in a complex at different ages, all these rules are solely contributing to the risks that all of us are taking traveling from complex to complex, facility to facility in the streets,” said one international director. “Someone is going to get killed. It’s just a matter of time, and it’s on MLB when it happens, because they’re the ones who created these rules.”

As Badler notes, Major League Baseball itself has moved its annual national showcase out of the country due to safety concerns. It will not, however, relax scouting rules — which seem arbitrary on their surface in the first place — in order to make the job of international scouts safer.

It seems that Rob Manfred and the league owe their employees better than this. Or at the very least owe them an explanation why they don’t think they do.