Obama will not be at Opening Day

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In case you care about such things:

The White House and the Washington Nationals say President Barack Obama is skipping the season opener, despite a standing invitation for the first fan to throw out the ceremonial first pitch.

What is there, a war on? Oh, yeah. Well, I suppose there is.

Look, I’m going to level with you: if I were President, most of my energy in the job would be to get free crap that no one else can get. I’d be throwing out first pitches to the point where teams would start feeling awkward and trying to make excuses for me not to come. I’d be calling command performances by bands who haven’t played together in years (“Well, Mr. Biafra, I don’t care if your spoken-word tour has sold out coffee shops all over the Pacific northwest. I want you, Ray and the others setting up in the Rose Garden and playing “Holiday in Cambodia” by Friday, or else you’re all getting audited”).

Maybe this isn’t the kind of president America wants. But it’s the kind of president America needs. Because life was a lot more fun back in the 90s when our nation was preoccupied with silly b.s. most of the time and fewer people were getting bombed.

Padres sign Clayton Richard to a contract extension

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The Padres announced on Wednesday that the club signed pitcher Clayton Richard to a contract extension through the 2019 season. It’s a two-year, $6 million deal, per MLB.com’s AJ Cassavell.

Executive VP and GM A.J. Preller said, “Clayton has been a steadying presence in our rotation, both on and off the field. He has provided veteran leadership for our young ball club, and his tireless work ethic sets the standard among his peers. We’re extremely excited to have him in a Padres uniform for two more years.”

Richard, 34, is tied for the league lead in losses at 14. Along with that, he has a 4.82 ERA with a 136/55 K/BB ratio in 185 innings. The lefty earned $1.75 million in 2017 and was eligible to become a free agent after the season.

Report: Raul Mondesi sentenced to eight years in prison for corruption as mayor of San Cristobal

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Former major league outfielder Raul Mondesi has been sentenced to eight years in prison and fined 60 million pesos for corruption as mayor of San Cristobal in the Dominican Republic, Hector Gomez reports. Mondesi served a six-year term as mayor from 2010-16. He initially ran on the ballot of the Dominican Liberation Party, but switched to the Dominican Revolutionary Party over a year later.

Mondesi, 46, played parts of 13 seasons in the majors for the Dodgers, Blue Jays, Yankees, Diamondbacks, Pirates, Angels, and Braves. He won the NL Rookie of the Year Award in 1994 with the Dodgers, made one All-Star team, and won two Gold Glove Awards. He is the father of the Royals infielder of the same name.