Jose Canseco’s twin brother Ozzie tried to impersonate him at a “celebrity boxing” fight

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Jose Canseco failed to show up for a fight against Billy Padden in front of 400 paying customers Saturday at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Florida and instead sent his twin brother Ozzie Canseco, according to “Celebrity Boxing” promoter Damon Feldman.

An employee of “Celebrity Boxing” told Luis Sanchez of El Nuevo Herald that they discovered it was the Canseco with zero career homers rather than the Canseco with 462 career homers when Ozzie “took off his shirt and didn’t have Jose’s tattoos on the biceps that appear in our advertising.”

Jose was paid $10,000 for the fight. He received a wire transfer of $5,000 beforehand and then got a check for $5,000 at the event, which he (or Ozzie) refused and instead insisted be made out to “cash.” Once the attempted switch was discovered the person claiming to be Jose refused to return the money and then the actual Jose didn’t return phone calls seeking comment.

However, he did post a bunch of stuff related to the event on Twitter:

Be very careful with Damon feldman who runs celebrity boxing he will not pay you if you fight for him

Damon feldman will not fulfil his part of the bargain

let’s see who is smart enough to figure out what happened at the boxing match

is anyone out there smart enough to figure it out or are you all a bunch of hateful morons

the truth is always hidden from the public to create villains and heroes which 1 are you truly

seek the truth before reacting

just remember the media is write 20 percent of 50 percent of the time

how can you haters being so ignorant it’s amazing

I am still waiting for an intelligent scenario

First of all, to misspell “right” as “write” in a criticism of the media is either brilliant or the dumbest thing of all time. Beyond that, his daring people to “figure out what happened at the boxing match” and later writing “I am still waiting for an intelligent scenario” makes me think Canseco is just hoping someone suggests a scenario so good that he can actually use it as an excuse.

Also, this whole thing reads like a super depressing, down on your luck version of all the kids movies where identical twins switch places with each other at school one day and the teachers never notice a thing. In this version one twin is being paid $10,000 to get beat up in front of 400 people and the other twin is willing to get beat up in his place for what is presumably less than the full $10,000. Oh, and the whole thing falls apart over tattoos, which is maybe the most fitting aspect of the entire story.

I don’t say as much crazy stuff as Canseco, but you can follow me on Twitter too. And you can be sure my twin brother isn’t the one writing the tweets.

The Braves cave, a little anyway, on their outside food policy

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On Friday the Atlanta Braves announced a new policy for outside food, prohibiting ticket holders from bringing in their own. This was a reversal of their old policy — and the policies of the majority of teams around the league — which allowe fans to bring in soft-sided coolers with their own food and beverages, at least as long as the beverages were sealed.

The Braves claimed that the policy change was “a result of tighter security being put into place this season throughout the league,” but this was clearly untrue as no other teams are cracking down on outside food like this. If there are new security procedures, everyone else is able to accommodate them without an opportunistic crackdown on fans bringing in PB&J for their toddlers. It seemed more likely that this was a simple cash grab.

Today the Braves have reversed the policy somewhat:

While they’re looking for kudos here, this is likewise an admission that the “security” stuff was bull because, last I checked, security procedures aren’t subject to popular referendum and aren’t changed when people complain. What really happened here, it seems, is the Braves, for the first time in living memory, were called out by the public for their greed and realized that even they have some responsibility to not be jackasses about this sort of thing.

Still, a gallon bag policy is not the same as it was before. You could bring coolers into Turner Field and still can bring them into most parks around the league. But I guess this is better than nothing.

Donald Trump may throw out the first pitch at the Nationals opener

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It’s just gossip now, but Politico is hearing that Donald Trump is in talks to throw out the first pitch at Nationals Park on Opening Day. The Nats are not commenting. Neither are the Palm Beach Cardinals of the Florida State League, who no doubt feel slighted given that the president effectively is a local.

With the caveat that, on Opening Day, tickets are likely to be more expensive and thus you’re likely to have a lot more rich people and friends-of-the-owners in attendance, thereby ensuring a more conservative crowd, I’m struggling to imagine a situation in which Trump strolls on to a baseball field in a large American city and isn’t booed like crazy. He’s polling as low as 36% in some places. He’s not exactly Mr. Popular.

Oh well. I look forward to him three-bouncing one to Matt Wieters and then grabbing his phone and tweeting about how it was the best, most tremendous first pitch in baseball history. Or blaming Hillary Clinton for it in the event he admits that it was a bad pitch.