You’ll be shocked to hear that Adrian Gonzalez and the Red Sox are making progress on a deal

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It’s cute how we’re still pretending that Theo Epstein — after getting a negotiating window — traded away multiple top prospects for Adrian Gonzalez without having  a deal in place:

An afternoon meeting between the Red Sox and the representatives of first baseman Adrian Gonzalez went “really well’’ yesterday, with all signs pointing toward a long-term deal being struck in a matter of weeks, according to John Boggs, one of Gonzalez’ agents.

I picture these “negotiations” going down like the disarmament talks at the end of “Spies Like Us.”  Solemn statements to the press about the progress being made but, once the doors to the conference room are closed, they’re all in their playing Risk and drinking cocktails while shapely Russian models sit on their lap while listening to “Soul Finger” by the Bar-Kays, the ink on the deal already dry.

What, you mean you didn’t see “Spies Like Us?”  Like you had anything better to do during Christmas break 1985 but to have your mom drive you to the Smoot Theater in Parkersburg, West Virgina to see it in a double feature with “Fletch,” rounding out Chevy Chase’s single best year in cinema?

OK, I may have said too much at this point.

Alex Dickerson to miss 2017 season after undergoing back surgery

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Padres’ outfielder Alex Dickerson won’t see PETCO Park anytime soon — at least, not as its starting left fielder. The 27-year-old was diagnosed with a bulging disc in his lower back prior to the start of the 2017 season, and hasn’t made any kind of substantial progress in the months since. According to Dennis Lin of the San Diego Union-Tribune, he suffered a setback in his recovery process last week and is set to undergo a season-ending discectomy next Wednesday.

Over 285 plate appearances, Dickerson batted .257/.333/.455 with 10 home runs and a .788 OPS for the Padres in 2016. He missed several days with a right hip contusion last July, but hasn’t experienced any substantial health problems since undergoing surgery in 2014 to repair a torn ligament in his left ankle.

The expected recovery period for lower back surgery is 3-4 months, according to Lin, which puts Dickerson’s estimated return just a few days before the end of the regular season. The Padres aren’t scraping the bottom of the NL West, but their 29-44 record doesn’t bode well for a postseason run this year. Assuming Dickerson rehabs his back in a timely manner, he should be in fine form to enter the competition for left field next spring.

Video: Hanley Ramirez’s No. 250 career home run barely left the field

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Hanley Ramirez played a pivotal role during the Red Sox’ 9-4 win over the Angels on Friday night, crushing a two-run homer off of Alex Meyer to bring the Sox up to a four-run lead in the fourth inning.

Well, crushed might be the wrong word. The ball cleared the right field fence with a mere 350 feet, landing just beyond Pesky’s Pole to bring Ramirez’s career home run total to an even 250.

According to the ESPN Home Run Tracker, Ramirez’s milestone blast wasn’t the shortest home run of the year — not by a long shot. That distinction currently belongs to Rays’ outfielder Corey Dickerson, who skimmed the left field fence at Rogers Centre with a 326-foot homer back in April.