Report: Jose Guillen will retire if he doesn’t get an offer in the next week

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Are you sitting down? Good. Call a friend, because I’m not sure you can handle this news on your own.

According to Enrique Rojas of ESPN Deportes, Jose Guillen will retire if he doesn’t receive a contract offer in the next week.

“Today I have authorized my agent to explore the market and see if there is any interest in an outfielder and designated hitter,” Guillen told ESPNdeportes.com on Tuesday from the Dominican Republic. “If in a week no offers, then I will retire permanently from baseball,” he added.

If Guillen was anything close to a desirable player, I believe we could call that an ultimatum. Sadly, he is not.

Guillen, who turns 35 in May, was bothered by a neck injury down the stretch last season and finished the regular season with just one hit over his final 21 at-bats. After he was left off the Giants’ postseason roster, we learned that Guillen allegedly had packages of human growth hormone (HGH) sent to an address registered to his wife in September. The case is still pending, but considering that MLB could still levy some sort of punishment down the road, it’s unlikely any team will want that headache.

If this is truly the end for Guillen, he’ll hang ’em up with a .270 lifetime batting average to go along with 214 home runs and 887 RBI over 14 major league seasons.

Derek Norris signing with the Rays

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Yahoo Sports’ Tim Brown reports that Derek Norris is signing with the Tampa Bay Rays.

Norris was released by the Nationals nine days ago, made redundant by the Nats’ signing of Matt Wieters and by everyone sliding down a notch on the depth chart below him. Norris hit only .186/.255/.328 with 14 home runs and a .528 OPS for the Padres in 2016.

Still, there always seems to be a place for a backup catcher. For Norris that place is Tampa Bay.

The Braves are banning outside food. And they’re probably lying about why they’re doing it.

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Here’s a thing a lot of people don’t realize: there are a lot of ballparks that allow you to bring in outside food.

Not all of them, but a lot do. They don’t publicize it, obviously, because they want you to buy their expensive food, but if you go to the concessions policy page on most team’s websites, you can get the scoop. It often lists “soft-sided coolers” under “permitted items,” which is code for “yes, you can bring your own food in.” Some may specifically limit THAT to sealed plastic water bottles, but for the most part, if you can bring soft-sided coolers into the park, that means it’s OK to bring in grandma’s potato salad and a few sandwiches. They may check your coolers, of course, to make sure you’re not bringing in alcohol or whatever.

The Atlanta Braves have always allowed food into the ballpark. But thats going to change in shiny new Sun Trust Park. The AJC reports that the Braves have announced a new policy via which ticket holders will not be allowed to bring in outside food. Exceptions will be made for infant food and for special dietary restriction items.

Which, OK, it’s their park and their rules. If they want to cut out the PB&J for junior and force you to buy him a $9 “kids pack” — or if they want you to forego grandma’s potato salad to buy that pork chop sandwich we mentioned yesterday — that’s their choice. Everything else about the Braves new stadium has been about extracting money from fans, so why not the concessions policy too?

My beef with this is less about the policy. It’s about their stated reason for it:

The changes are a result of tighter security being put into place this season throughout the league, said the Braves spokesperson.

This, as the French say, is horses**t.

We know it is because not all teams are prohibiting outside food. If there are tighter security measures across the board, other teams are implementing them without the food restriction. Even the Yankees, who take security theater to extreme heights as it is, are still allowing fans to bring in their own food.

The Braves, I strongly suspect, are using these measures as an excuse to cut down on competition for their concessions. Which, like I said, go for it. Just be honest about what you’re doing and stop blaming “tightened security” for your cash grab.