Baseball player reports to camp in the fourth best shape of his life

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I suppose a satire like this was inevitable.  I’m just sad that I didn’t think of it first:

Seattle Mariners veteran catcher Miguel Olivo reported to training camp this week feeling as though he is already physically ready for the 2011 season.

“I’m in the fourth best shape of my life,” said a sort of noticeably trim Olivo. “Last year I was only in the 11th best shape of my life, so I really put time in the gym this offseason. I wanted to get into the top 5 shapes of my life.”

Olivo entered his offseason workout regimen hoping to get into the best shape of his life, but soon realized that wasn’t realistic.

Now I await the ones about guys who didn’t have “great bullpen sessions” and guys who “looked real bad in the cage today.”

Cubs place Ben Zobrist on 10-day disabled list with back soreness

Ben Zobrist
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Cubs infielder/outfielder Ben Zobrist has been placed on the 10-day disabled list with back soreness. The move is retroactive to April 14. While it doesn’t appear to be the precursor to any serious injury, Zobrist has already missed six straight days of activity after feeling his back tighten up last weekend. Should he see the minimum time on the DL, as expected, he’ll be eligible to return by the start of the Cubs’ series against the Indians on Tuesday.

Prior to his injury, the 36-year-old outfielder raked an impressive .326/.408/.465 with three extra-base hits in 49 plate appearances. He last appeared for the Cubs during their homestand last weekend and helped propel the team to a 14-10 win over the Braves with three hits, two walks and two RBI. Provided that he can remain healthy going forward, it’s a promising start for the veteran outfielder, who has yet to return to the All-Star-worthy numbers he posted with the club in 2016.

With Zobrist sidelined for the time being, Ian Happ and Albert Almora Jr. have shared the leadoff spot and center field duties over the last week. Happ went 0-for-8 with six strikeouts in two games before passing the baton to Almora, who collected five hits and two RBI in 11 at-bats.