Ferdinand III

In which the Yankees are the Austrian Habsburgs

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This is for the true history geeks among you. And I’m not talking Civil War buffs or French Revolution experts, because you guys are a dime a dozen. I’m talking about those of you who know a bit about 17th Century nation-states and the Holy Roman Empire and stuff and are able to chuckle at analogies between current baseball teams and the continental powers of the age:

Baltimore Orioles: Poland

Once a strong, powerful, and proud team/nation that won three World Series/dominated Eastern Europe and formed a shield against onrushing hordes from Central Asia, the Orioles/Poland have fallen on hard times. With a governing structure that makes adaptation and serious reform all but impossible, the GM/king all but falls into figurehead status at times. These internal forces prevented the productive use of the team’s/country’s bounty of resources, leaving a wide-open path for unproductive interference from Peter Angelos/France and Saxony. Eventually the Orioles/Poland fell into such disarray that it was simply devoured by the Yankees, Red Sox, Rays and Blue Jays/Austria, Prussia, and Russia.

And yeah, it kind of goes on like that.  I think I got about 1/3 of the analogies, and that was with some help from Wikipedia.  I’m guessing there are some humanities majors among you who will get a few more yuks from it all.

I now expect Wezen-Ball to raise this guy by doing a comparison between Cy Young Award winners of the 1960s and their counterparts in the Abstract Expressionist art movement.

Johnny Monell signs with KBO’s KT Wiz

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - JULY 06:  Johnny Monell #19 of the New York Mets runs back to the dugout after he scored in the ninth inning against the San Francisco Giants at AT&T Park on July 6, 2015 in San Francisco, California.  (Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images)
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Former Mets catcher Johnny Monell signed a contract with the KT Wiz of the Korea Baseball Organization, per a report by Chris Cotillo of SB Nation. The 30-year-old originally struck a deal with the NC Dinos on Thursday, but the deal appeared to fall through at the last minute, according to Cotillo’s unnamed source.

Monell last surfaced for the Mets during their 2015 run, batting a dismal .167/.231/.208 with two extra bases in 52 PA before the club DFA’d him to clear space for Bartolo Colon. While he’s had difficulty sticking at the major league level, he’s found a higher degree of success in the minor league circuit and holds a career .271 average over a decade of minor league play. He played exclusively in Triple-A Las Vegas during the 2016 season, slashing .276/.336/.470 with 19 home runs and a career-high 75 RBI in 461 PA.

The veteran backstop appears to be the second MLB player to join the KT Wiz roster this offseason, as right-hander Donn Roach also signed with the club last month on a one-year, $850,000 deal.

Phil Bickford suspended 50 games for drug of abuse

SAN DIEGO, CA - JULY 10:  Phil Bickford of the U.S. Team pitches during the SiriusXM All-Star Futures Game at PETCO Park on July 10, 2016 in San Diego, California.  (Photo by Sean M. Haffey/Getty Images)
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Brewers’ right-hander Phil Bickford received a 50-game suspension after testing positive for a drug of abuse, per the Los Angeles Times’ Bill Shaikin. This is the second time Bickford has been suspended for recreational drug use, as he was previously penalized in 2015 after testing positive for marijuana prior to the amateur draft.

Bickford was selected by the Giants in the first round of the 2015 draft and was later dealt to the Brewers for lefty reliever Will Smith at the 2016 trade deadline. He finished his 2016 campaign in High-A Brevard County, pitching to a 3.67 ERA, 10.0 K/9 rate and 5.0 BB/9 over 27 innings.

Two other suspensions were handed down on Friday, one to Toronto minor league right-hander Pedro Loficial for a positive test for metabolites of Stanozolol and one to Miami minor league outfielder Casey Soltis for a second positive test for drugs of abuse. Loficial will serve a 72-game suspension, while Soltis will serve 50 games. All three suspensions are due to start at the beginning of the 2017 season for each respective minor league team.

Brewers’ GM David Stearns issued a statement after the Commissioner’s Office announced Bickford’s suspension (via Vince Lara-Cinisomo of Baseball America):

We are very disappointed to learn of Phil’s suspension, but we fully support the Minor League Baseball Drug Prevention and Testing Program and its enforcement by the Commissioner’s Office. Phil understands he made a mistake, and we fully anticipate that he will learn from this experience.