Nancy Reagan Different strokes

Greenies weren’t bad, OK? I mean, it’s not like kids were doing them. Probably.

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Hey, amphetamines were just pep pills! They just helped ballplayers get ready for the game! It’s not like steroids! It’s not like kids were taking them!

Oh, wait.

Wezen-ball strikes again, creating a video montage of a bunch of very special episodes of 1980s sitcoms in which young people got strung out on … greenies!

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Look, I’m prepared to admit that the 1980s sitcom world didn’t exactly have its finger on the pulse of what was troubling young kids, but apparently someone thought this was a major problem for our nation’s youth. And for all of the hathos and cheese, the core message of these things — that speed kills — was dead-on.

But sure, if Hall of Fame voters want to continue to pretend that steroids represents an unprecedented kind of evil while taking greenies was totally excusable, they may continue to do so.

I just hope that they know that they have Alex P. Keaton’s blood on their hands! Or something.

MLB teams pay tribute to José Fernández’s memory

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Following the announcement of the 24-year-old’s death, Major League Baseball observed a moment of silence for José Fernández before each of today’s games. While this afternoon’s Marlins-Braves game was cancelled out of respect for the organization, Miami painted Fernández’s jersey number on the mound in honor of their former pitcher.

Other teams, like the Mets, Mariners, and Dodgers, chose to honor Fernández by hanging his No. 16 jersey in their dugout:

Bob Nightengale of USA Today Sports reports that David Ortiz‘s pregame retirement ceremony at Tropicana Field was canceled at the player’s request:

The Astros and Diamondbacks each displayed a personal tribute to Fernández, writing the number 16 on their caps and etching his number and initials in the bullpen:

Rest in peace, Fernández.

Tempers flare, benches clear during Sunday’s Nationals-Pirates game

PITTSBURGH, PA - SEPTEMBER 24: Bryce Harper #34 of the Washington Nationals reaches on a fielder's choice in the fourth inning during the game against the Pittsburgh Pirates at PNC Park on September 24, 2016 in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Justin K. Aller/Getty Images)
Justin K. Aller/Getty Images
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A fake tag by third baseman Jung Ho Kang led to a beanball and emptied benches during Sunday afternoon’s game between the Nationals and Pirates at PNC Park.

In the top of the third inning, Bryce Harper led off with a triple to right field. He ran hard towards third base and Kang feigned receiving a throw which had, in reality, missed the cut-off man. That caused Harper, who had already committed to sliding head-first into the third base bag, to come into the bag awkwardly, injuring his left hand. Harper stayed in the game initially, scoring on an Anthony Rendon single, but he did not take his position for the bottom half of the inning. Chris Heisey took his spot in right field.

On the Nationals’ television broadcast, former major leaguer F.P. Santangelo said, “Kang faked a tag. You don’t fake a tag in the big leagues. You don’t fake a tag anywhere — you can hurt somebody.”

Nationals starter A.J. Cole got two quick outs to start the bottom of the third, bringing up Kang. Cole immediately threw a fastball up and in at Kang, which ended up sailing behind his back. Cole was immediately ejected by home plate umpire Jordan Baker. Some Pirates and Nationals players spilled out onto the field and the rest of the players and bullpens joined them not too long after.

Sean Rodriguez, known for his temper, needed to be held back by Gerrit Cole and David Freese. Rodriguez was ejected by Baker as well. When order was restored, Rafael Martin took over for Cole and struck out Kang to end the frame.

Cole and Rodriguez are likely looking at fines and suspensions. The Nationals should have more on Harper’s status after Sunday’s game is completed.