Greenies weren’t bad, OK? I mean, it’s not like kids were doing them. Probably.

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Hey, amphetamines were just pep pills! They just helped ballplayers get ready for the game! It’s not like steroids! It’s not like kids were taking them!

Oh, wait.

Wezen-ball strikes again, creating a video montage of a bunch of very special episodes of 1980s sitcoms in which young people got strung out on … greenies!

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Look, I’m prepared to admit that the 1980s sitcom world didn’t exactly have its finger on the pulse of what was troubling young kids, but apparently someone thought this was a major problem for our nation’s youth. And for all of the hathos and cheese, the core message of these things — that speed kills — was dead-on.

But sure, if Hall of Fame voters want to continue to pretend that steroids represents an unprecedented kind of evil while taking greenies was totally excusable, they may continue to do so.

I just hope that they know that they have Alex P. Keaton’s blood on their hands! Or something.

Felix Hernandez dealing with “dead arm”

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Mariners starter Felix Hernandez is dealing with “dead arm” and will head back to Seattle to have his shoulder examined, Ryan Divish of the Seattle Times reports. Hernandez was reportedly visibly upset and left the clubhouse quickly, declining to speak to the media, Divish adds.

Hernandez wasn’t long for Tuesday’s game against the Tigers, as he lasted just two innings, yielding four runs on six hits and two walks with two strikeouts. The Mariners went on to lose 19-9. Hernandez is now carrying a 4.73 ERA over his first five starts.

Not much else can go wrong for the Mariners, who are now 8-13 in last place in the AL West. Mitch Haniger also suffered an oblique injury on Tuesday, joining what is becoming a lengthy list of dinged-up Mariners.

Video: Chris Coghlan dives home to beat the tag

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Blue Jays pinch-hitter Chris Coghlan found a creative way to beat the tag from Cardinals catcher Yadier Molina in the top of the seventh inning of Tuesday night’s game.

With the score tied 2-2, the Jays had a runner on first base and one out as Kevin Pillar faced reliever Matt Bowman. Pillar drove a 1-1 fastball to deep right field. Stephen Piscotty leaped in an attempt to make the catch, but the ball caromed off the wall and back towards the field. Coghlan, who was on first, made his way around third towards home. Piscotty threw home past the cutoff man and the ball reached Molina on several bounces. As Molina went low to apply the tag, Coghlan went high, leaping into the air and somersaulting into home plate to score the go-ahead run.

The Blue Jays would go on to score two in the inning, but the Cardinals answered with two of their own in the bottom half of the seventh. As of this writing, the score remains tied at four apiece.