jose canseco twitter

Jose Canseco wants to show you his bat speed

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Jose Canseco has been more or less begging for another chance in baseball via Twitter all week, posting tweets such as “I can DH for any major league team and lead the league in home runs, just give me the chance” and “I will show everyone that steroids are completely overrated once I get the chance to play again.”

And those are the least-crazy ones.

At some point he started specifically mentioning new Mets general manager Sandy Alderson–who was the GM in Oakland back when Canseco starred for the A’s–and said he planned to send him a video to convince him a tryout was a good idea.

I will marry Mila Kunis, divorce her, marry Marisa Miller, and then cheat on her with Diora Baird before Alderson involves himself in Canseco’s life again, but that doesn’t mean we can’t look at the video anyway:

Canseco appears to be in good shape and is making solid contact against a pitching machine he claims is throwing 94 miles per hour, but here’s the thing: Even if he wasn’t “blackballed” from baseball for all the steroids stuff, a) he’s 46 years old, and b) he’s seemingly insane.

Barry Bonds couldn’t get another gig at age 43 coming off a 1.045 OPS season. Canseco is 46, last played in the majors in 2001, and was last seen hitting .170 in the independent Golden Baseball League five years ago.

Just to be safe, however, I’m going to make a video of myself for Mila, Marisa, and Diora to look at over the weekend. I may have to turn the pitching machine down to like 92 mph, though.

Red Sox set a new major league record with 11 strikeouts in a row

BALTIMORE, MD - SEPTEMBER 20: Starting pitcher Eduardo Rodriguez #52 of the Boston Red Sox works the first inning against the Baltimore Orioles at Oriole Park at Camden Yards on September 20, 2016 in Baltimore, Maryland. (Photo by Patrick Smith/Getty Images)
Patrick Smith/Getty Images
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Lost in the nifty base running by Dustin Pedroia that won Sunday’s game against the Rays, the Red Sox set a new major league record by striking out 11 batters in a row, per Peter Abraham of The Boston Globe. Starter Eduardo Rodriguez struck out the final six Rays he faced and reliever Heath Hembree struck out five Rays in a row after that. Tom Seaver had the previous consecutive strikeout streak of 10, set on April 22, 1970 against the Padres.

The Red Sox also set a team record with 23 strikeouts in total: 13 by Rodriguez, five by Hembree, one by Matt Barnes, and four by Joe Kelly. Per Abraham, that’s the most strikeouts in a 10-inning game since at least 1913 and the most in a game of any length since 2004.

For Rodriguez, Sunday marked the first double-digit strikeout game of his career. He has pitched quite well since returning to the rotation at the start of the second half. Over 13 starts, the lefty has a 3.10 ERA with a 70/23 K/BB ratio in 72 2/3 innings.

Dodgers clinch NL West on Charlie Culberson’s walk-off home run

WASHINGTON, DC - JULY 20: Charlie Culberson #6 of the Los Angeles Dodgers runs to first base after hitting a single RBI in the second inning against the Washington Nationals at Nationals Park on July 20, 2016 in Washington, DC. (Photo by Matt Hazlett/Getty Images)
Matt Hazlett/Getty Images
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Dodgers second baseman Charlie Culberson delivered a walk-off solo home run in the bottom of the 10th inning, clinching the NL West for the Dodgers on Sunday afternoon. What a way to celebrate Vin Scully’s final home game behind the microphone.

The Dodgers were trailing 2-1 in the seventh inning, but shortstop Corey Seager tripled in a run to tie the game. Rockies outfielder David Dahl untied the game in the top of the ninth with a two-out solo home run off of Kenley Jansen. But Seager once again rose to the occasion, blasting a game-tying solo shot in the bottom half of the ninth against Adam Ottavino. That would set the stage for Culberson in the next frame.

Culberson, a former Rockie, came into the afternoon with a .591 OPS and zero home runs in 53 plate appearances. He finished the afternoon 3-for-5 with the homer.

It’s the fourth consecutive season in which the Dodgers have won the NL West. The Cubs have clinched the best record, which means they’ll play the winner of the Wild Card game. The Dodgers will play the Nationals in the NLDS. The Nationals have a 1.5-game lead over the Dodgers for home-field advantage, so both teams are still playing for something of importance in the regular season’s final week.