Jose Canseco wants to show you his bat speed

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Jose Canseco has been more or less begging for another chance in baseball via Twitter all week, posting tweets such as “I can DH for any major league team and lead the league in home runs, just give me the chance” and “I will show everyone that steroids are completely overrated once I get the chance to play again.”

And those are the least-crazy ones.

At some point he started specifically mentioning new Mets general manager Sandy Alderson–who was the GM in Oakland back when Canseco starred for the A’s–and said he planned to send him a video to convince him a tryout was a good idea.

I will marry Mila Kunis, divorce her, marry Marisa Miller, and then cheat on her with Diora Baird before Alderson involves himself in Canseco’s life again, but that doesn’t mean we can’t look at the video anyway:

Canseco appears to be in good shape and is making solid contact against a pitching machine he claims is throwing 94 miles per hour, but here’s the thing: Even if he wasn’t “blackballed” from baseball for all the steroids stuff, a) he’s 46 years old, and b) he’s seemingly insane.

Barry Bonds couldn’t get another gig at age 43 coming off a 1.045 OPS season. Canseco is 46, last played in the majors in 2001, and was last seen hitting .170 in the independent Golden Baseball League five years ago.

Just to be safe, however, I’m going to make a video of myself for Mila, Marisa, and Diora to look at over the weekend. I may have to turn the pitching machine down to like 92 mph, though.

Addison Russell had an allergic reaction to something he ate from the postgame spread

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Gordon Wittenmyer of the Chicago Sun-Times reports that Cubs shortstop Addison Russell stayed overnight in Denver after having an allergic reaction to something he ate from the postgame spread in the clubhouse at Coors Field after Sunday afternoon’s game. Russell spent a couple of hours at a hospital in Denver for observation on Sunday night.

Russell has a shellfish allergy and believes something he ate might have been mistakenly labeled as not having shrimp in it.

The Cubs took two of three games from the Rockies. After Monday’s day off, the Cubs open a brief two-game series in Cleveland for a rematch of the 2016 World Series. Russell flew with the team to Cleveland and believes he will be in good enough shape to play on Tuesday.

Russell, 24, has had a slow start to the season. He’s hitting .219/.324/.281 across 74 plate appearances.