Things you missed while you restrained yourself from killing perspective-free Ohio State football fans who actually had the gall to worry — after a 73-20 victory over some Directional U. — that “the defense just didn’t have the intensity it needs.” Or maybe that was just me. Columbus in the fall is worse than New York in the summer. Sure, some Yankees fans may get bent out of shape if the team doesn’t go 162-0, but at least they don’t expect 162 shutouts:
- Aroldis Chapman throws the fastest pitch ever. Was it too fast? Possibly! Because as we all know, 100 m.p.h. fastballs necessarily a short, injury-filled career. Well, except when they don’t.
- Jeff Francoeur hit his 100th home run. This story reminds me of those “he’s determined to finish what he started stories” about the guy who takes a week to complete the New York Marathon or something, only far, far less inspiring.
- Baseball’s second-in-command is being forced out. I’m pretty sure DuPuy is part of, like, six different “blue ribbon panels” and “independent commissions” and what have you that Selig set up years ago in order to punt tough decisions he didn’t want to make. This either means that we may, for example, hear something about the A’s future sometime soon. Or it may mean that new commission members have to be appointed and 18 more months added to the studies so that they may get up to speed.
- The Phillies and Mets got all snippy at each other. It’s cute how they think these games matter for something.
- Tim Lincecum rejected a baseball in the Giants-Rockies game he perceived had not been subjected to the Coors Field humidor. And they say drugs dull the senses.
- Mike Lowell, Blake Hawksworth and Ron Gardenhire all took baseballs to the head. Coincidence? Or are the baseballs finally organizing and beginning to fight back?
- The Yankees brought Tony Dungy in for a pep-talk. I totally picture him doing the “losing is a disease” speech from “The Natural.”
- The Rangers clinched the right to lose in the first round of the playoffs to the AL East champion.
- After the clinching game, recovering addict Josh Hamilton changed clothes quickly and left the clubhouse so as to avoid the tasty, delicious and wonderful alcohol that flew through the air as if it was sweet spring rain falling from the sky and nourishing the Earth with its heavenly goodness.
- Sixteen years in the minors and your one and only shot at the bigs ends prematurely with a broken hand. And people ask me why I don’t believe in God.
- If effing with people was an Olympic sport, Ozzie Guillen would have medal-laden pictures of himself on the cover of Sports Illustrated like he was Mark Spitz or something.
- Bob Brenly takes himself out of the running for the Cubs gig. A gig that I figure he’d have about a 0.02% chance of getting in the first place. He probably knew that, and rightfully figured that it would be better to “take himself out of the running” than to be seen as being passed over for the job.
- Jeremy Bonderman says he’s probably not coming back to Detroit. Based on the reception he’s gotten at Comerica Park lately, I think Tigers fans are pretty cool with that.
And now, let us begin the last week of the regular season.